Sunday, September 20, 2009

Embarassing Revelation #2

Ok. This one's a little more serious than #1.

I'm scared of babies. I'm getting better about it -- my bff, the girl, now woman, with whom I literally had the necklace, just had her second baby, and she's helped me a lot with my comfort level around the little ones. She's such a natural mom, and so unconcerned that I'll drop her little bundles of joy and ruin their lives. With her adorable first, I wouldn't hold him that first day in the hospital unless I was sitting down, and I was terrified to hand him off lest I drop him in the exchange.

With #2, a beautiful little girl, I did a little better. As has become our tradition, her first morning in the hospital with her infant I went over at the beginning of visiting hours, laden with bagels and good coffee (decaf for her). This time, she handed me her daughter and I walked all over the room with her, talking to her and watching her respond to the light playing across her face. I bounced her and made the sitting-to-standing and back again transition a number of times and didn't stress out. It was a big step for me, and I left the hospital completely infatuated with the little girl.

I think the reason I'm so scared of babies is because I really did drop one once. I was young, maybe 10 years old, and sitting at the dinner table in a room full of adults. Someone handed me a baby -- I don't even remember whose baby it was, it was a gathering of adults I didn't really know -- and before I knew what happened, the baby had slid off my lap and onto the floor. It wasn't far to fall, and was actually, to my memory, reasonably gentle -- many people didn't even notice, and the baby wasn't upset -- but it scarred me. I wasn't ready to be responsible for a baby, and the baby fell.

I'm still a bit wary of them, obviously, but being around my bff's children and my other friends' babies is helping. I know it's not entirely rational, but I can't be the only one -- anyone else a little more scared than you should be of dropping babies?


SaintTigerlily said...

Terrified. And I have five younger siblings, all of whom I've held. It is so terrifying to think I will someday be responsible for keeping one of those little people safe. Scaaaaaary.

newatthis said...

It is entirely rational. There is no reason to think you should be automatically and immediately comfortable with holding a baby the first (or second, or third) time than to think you would be so with driving a car. They're both new experiences doing things with which you have no inborn familiarity, and it is ever so natural that you're apprehensive until you gain some experience. You're not weird (at least not that way :-) ).

emma discovery said...

ST - Ok, hearing that you're similarly affected, even with so much experience, helps! I think we'll get over it... Right?

newatthis - Thanks. You generally have a calming effect on my neuroses. That's a good comparison, I think, but I still feel a bit like I should have some innate maternal genius instinct... Maybe one actually has to have/adopt a baby for that to kick in?

Enna said...

Ok seriously?? When the heck did you drop this baby? Was it LA and you just don't want to say it?

emma discovery said...

Enna, it was at the farm, in the big house, so I seriously have no idea whose baby it was. Hahaha no it was not LA! I kinda wish it was, though, because then I'd know I didn't do any permanent harm!