stole this from the blog of a friend of friends...
1. What did you do in 2006 that you'd never done before? well, it's always something new at work, i definitely took on a ton of responsibilities and challenges there that were incredibly rewarding. personally, i started a blog and actually told people it exists! oh and got my tattoo, of course.
2. Did you keep your New Year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year? unbelievably, i kept almost all of them. i ran not one but 2 5Ks, and running is truly a lifestyle now. i drink tons of water. i eat much more healthfully. i saved a pile of money. the only two i didn't keep were meeting with a financial planner, but i did buy (and read!) a suze orman book, and visiting maine, nashville, and philly - i went 1 for 3 on those.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth? three of my best friends' sisters each had little ones, and i eagerly await the babies due in february and april to two special friends!
4. Did anyone close to you die? yes.
5. What countries did you visit?did i leave the country this year? yikes, nope. but i do have the BVI trip to look forward to in a few months.
6. What would you like to have had in 2006 that you lacked in 2005? my own home. fingers crossed for '07.
7. What date from 2006 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? august 26th. a lovely wedding, and an incredible sunrise.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? i was going to say my running, but actually, NOT running is my biggest achievement... letting someone in is something i haven't done in ages, and it feels good.
9. What was your biggest failure? ocean city.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury? nothing out of the ordinary, thank goodness.
11. What were the best things you bought? tons of plane tickets.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration? my grandmother's. she broke her hip and has been so incredible throughout her remarkable recovery.
13. Whose behavior appalled you? my own, on occasion. but that's getting better.
14. Where did most of your money go? food and drink and travel.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? psmee's move! and i'm so excited to go to the peach bowl! and my kitten!
16. What song will always remind you of 2006? crazy by gnarls barkley - truly the song of the year. my ringtone, my philadelphia gift trip, my friend, and "who do you think you are? you really think you're in control?"
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? much, MUCH happier.
ii. thinner or fatter? leaner.
iii. richer or poorer? richer.
18. What do you wish you'd done more of? spending time with friends.
19. What do you wish you'd done less of? working. i love it but i'm going to burn out if i don't take more time off.
20. How did you spend Christmas? at work, followed by "christmas morning" at home in annapolis with my family.
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22. Did you fall in love in 2006? no. but falling in like sure feels good.
23. How many one-night stands? none.
24. What was your favorite TV program? grey's anatomy. rob&big.
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? no. but i definitely lost a friend in the last year.
26. What was the best book you read? the year of magical thinking by joan didion.
27. What was your greatest musical discovery? i'm starting to think it might be classic country.
28. What did you want and get? a pet! my lovely winston kitten. and diamond studs.
29. What did you want and not get? a bose wave radio. but i'm not sure i really want it.
30. What was your favorite film of this year? casino royale
31. What did you do on your birthday? yikes, i don't really remember... oh, family birthday and a small dinner with friends. i didn't really feel like celebrating this year, for some strange reason, but still felt very celebrated.
32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? more vacations
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2006? prep/punk... weird, i know. lots of jeans and chucks, way too many jcrew.com orders.
34. What kept you sane? my friends and family, hands down. and two quick therapy sessions.
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? sophia bush, total girlcrush, though it's pretty over now.
36. What political issue stirred you the most? i plead the fifth.
37. Who did you miss? my former friend's husband.
38. Who was the best new person you met? did i meet new people this year? oh! probably my workfriend's BF, steve.
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2006. i can't be friends with everyone, and that is ok. sometimes it's for the best.
40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year: i thought it was going to be "i am going to make it through this year if it kills me" but that was really just the first half. for the second half, maybe "i never loved nobody fully/always one foot on the ground/and by protecting myself truly/i got lost in the sounds i hear in my mind"
Friday, December 29, 2006
Thursday, December 28, 2006
addendum
ok, so that b word? done. he used the corresponding g word a couple times over the weekend as a descriptor - it's such an easy shorthand - and i relented. after hearing him describe to a childhood friend of mine how he pursued me ("i came after her! seriously..."), how could i not? after another friend of mine told me about how she jokingly said to him "she's such a bitch," and he responded with complete incredulity, "what?! she's an angel bunny!" how could i not? after unwrapping an incredibly thoughtful gift that reminds me of him every morning, how could i not?
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
dish
a couple of you have been looking for more info on the man of mystery who's been haunting my last couple of posts. i finally feel like talking about him (the short story, anyway), so i guess today's your lucky day!
he's a friend of my sister's from high school - they actually went to her senior year homecoming dance together, so when he called me in october to invite me to a november wedding, i accepted easily, since i've known him for ages. i didn't think much of it, but then at a halloween party a few days later it quickly devolved (evolved?) into makeout central, and since then we've been seeing each other with accelerating frequency. he could not be kinder, nor more tolerant of my neuroses.
he also couldn't be hotter, or more "my type," apparently. i wasn't really aware that i had a type, but yesterday my sister called my attention to my myspace profile, where i list "who i'd like to meet." that list is lavar arrington, eric bachmann, and todd ashley. lavar's a former redskin and pretty much the coolest guy in the nfl. if you know me and don't know who bachmann is, check here. todd ashley is the one in the middle of this photo. he had a show on mtv called "fast inc." that i thought would be a dud but quickly became obsessed with thanks to ashley (that happens to me a lot - somehow mtv's always got my number. i thought rob&big looked awful when they first started promoting it, but i flipping love that show. that's a story for another blog, however). so this new guy (henceforth known as cam, because he also resembles volchek from the OC, plus it's a car word, something to do with engines) is a shockingly accurate mashup of bachmann and ashley, from looks (blonde, receding hairline, lanky, astonishing blue eyes, tattoos, general roguishness), to interests (cars, engines, music, outlaw living), and even demeanor, at least at first blush. i had no idea i was so predictable!
the best thing about cam, however, isn't how he looks - it's who he is. he's generous and affectionate and romantic, he's got a million interests that i'm quickly learning about, and he seems to think the world of me. i'm not ready for the "b" word yet, but he promises me all the time i need to get there. and that's what makes me like him most of all.
he's a friend of my sister's from high school - they actually went to her senior year homecoming dance together, so when he called me in october to invite me to a november wedding, i accepted easily, since i've known him for ages. i didn't think much of it, but then at a halloween party a few days later it quickly devolved (evolved?) into makeout central, and since then we've been seeing each other with accelerating frequency. he could not be kinder, nor more tolerant of my neuroses.
he also couldn't be hotter, or more "my type," apparently. i wasn't really aware that i had a type, but yesterday my sister called my attention to my myspace profile, where i list "who i'd like to meet." that list is lavar arrington, eric bachmann, and todd ashley. lavar's a former redskin and pretty much the coolest guy in the nfl. if you know me and don't know who bachmann is, check here. todd ashley is the one in the middle of this photo. he had a show on mtv called "fast inc." that i thought would be a dud but quickly became obsessed with thanks to ashley (that happens to me a lot - somehow mtv's always got my number. i thought rob&big looked awful when they first started promoting it, but i flipping love that show. that's a story for another blog, however). so this new guy (henceforth known as cam, because he also resembles volchek from the OC, plus it's a car word, something to do with engines) is a shockingly accurate mashup of bachmann and ashley, from looks (blonde, receding hairline, lanky, astonishing blue eyes, tattoos, general roguishness), to interests (cars, engines, music, outlaw living), and even demeanor, at least at first blush. i had no idea i was so predictable!
the best thing about cam, however, isn't how he looks - it's who he is. he's generous and affectionate and romantic, he's got a million interests that i'm quickly learning about, and he seems to think the world of me. i'm not ready for the "b" word yet, but he promises me all the time i need to get there. and that's what makes me like him most of all.
Thursday, December 14, 2006
bad girl/good girl
a couple of weeks ago i acted rashly. it seems i've been doing that a lot lately (see previous post)! for some, my behavior amounts to just another night in a bar but it was fairly out of character for me.
two weeks ago, psmee and i booked tickets for a fabulous vacation. naturally, after said booking we felt the urge to celebrate, so we headed out to the strip of bars near her place to toast our future travels and make plans for bikini purchases. the first place we went to was an odd duck - irish name, asian staff, country&western music on the speakers. it had a short bar populated by a couple of regulars and a row of invitingly empty stools. after a couple of beers and a lot of chatter we were ready for something a little more raucous, so we moved on. our second choice was far more typical for the area - loud, dark, and packed with hill types. miraculously, psmee ferreted out two empty stools on the corner of the bar. so we laid claim and ordered another round.
not five minutes later there was a guy at my elbow, chatting me up. in my typical fashion, i sort of halfway responded to his questions, not interested in him, but not interested in being rude, either. plus, there's always something intriguing about getting hit on, no matter what the guy looks like - it's like, what's going to come out of his mouth next? what's his motivation here? what did he see in me that made him think we should be talking? proximity? an obvious point of commonality? attraction? it's an interesting game, and you know they're playing it too, so it's not cruel. this time around i kept drawing blanks - he was dressed very differently from me, and i was taller than him, and we didn't seem to have anything in common (although it later turned out i know a friend of one of the guys he was with - but that was a surprise coincidence). so we keep talking, and psmee starts talking to some hoodlums, and everything's funny, just another random bar night, and next thing i know this guy's making some bet with psmee about how many questions he can answer "right" in my eyes - at some threshold of correctly answered questions, i have to kiss him. by this point i'm completely confident that i won't hear the answers i'm looking for, so i agree. psmee sandbags me, though, lobbing softball after softball at this guy! she would probably disagree - to be fair, there were some real questions in there - but the fact remains that i lost the bet.
i'm a raised-right kind of girl, so i have to honor my commitment, and do so, there in the bar. i pay in full and then some, and next thing i know he's talking about how he wants to see me again and i'm not on that page, so i tell him he's "not my type," thinking that
a. this is true, and
b. it's a nice way to let someone down - it's no one's fault, it doesn't mean he's bad or ugly or not cool or stupid, it just means he's not for me.
he presses me, and dumb drunk girl that i am, the only reason i can give him is that he's not "edgy" enough - the world's dumbest answer, but what i meant was that most guys who catch my eye aren't wearing buttondowns and leather boots - really nice clothes, true, but not my speed. a superficial judgment to be sure, but come on! it's a bar hookup! anyway, one thing leads to another and next thing i know we're all headed back to psmee's place, then her door is closed and he and i are on the couch, and... good grief! so he starts talking about calling me, seeing me again, etc but i repeat my "not my type" protest, and he's having none of it. finally, we exchange numbers but since he knows there's someone else (who'd been texting me that night... he's going to need a name of some sort, but for now, know he's the one in the picture these days), he says he's not going to call me - if i want to see him, i have to call him, but i should know, he really wants to hear from me. i, of course, agree - perfect, right? so i drop him off, drive home, and delete his number from my phone just in case i'm tempted - i've got a good thing going and a tendency to self-sabotage (duh, why did i make out with this random stranger when i have a sweetie?), it's not about him. i feel guilty the next morning, and by saturday night i've confessed my sins to the boy, he responds in the best possible way, and i wash my hands of the whole thing.
tuesday, i receive this text:
"I can be edgy."
!!!!!!
no i did not write back.
two weeks ago, psmee and i booked tickets for a fabulous vacation. naturally, after said booking we felt the urge to celebrate, so we headed out to the strip of bars near her place to toast our future travels and make plans for bikini purchases. the first place we went to was an odd duck - irish name, asian staff, country&western music on the speakers. it had a short bar populated by a couple of regulars and a row of invitingly empty stools. after a couple of beers and a lot of chatter we were ready for something a little more raucous, so we moved on. our second choice was far more typical for the area - loud, dark, and packed with hill types. miraculously, psmee ferreted out two empty stools on the corner of the bar. so we laid claim and ordered another round.
not five minutes later there was a guy at my elbow, chatting me up. in my typical fashion, i sort of halfway responded to his questions, not interested in him, but not interested in being rude, either. plus, there's always something intriguing about getting hit on, no matter what the guy looks like - it's like, what's going to come out of his mouth next? what's his motivation here? what did he see in me that made him think we should be talking? proximity? an obvious point of commonality? attraction? it's an interesting game, and you know they're playing it too, so it's not cruel. this time around i kept drawing blanks - he was dressed very differently from me, and i was taller than him, and we didn't seem to have anything in common (although it later turned out i know a friend of one of the guys he was with - but that was a surprise coincidence). so we keep talking, and psmee starts talking to some hoodlums, and everything's funny, just another random bar night, and next thing i know this guy's making some bet with psmee about how many questions he can answer "right" in my eyes - at some threshold of correctly answered questions, i have to kiss him. by this point i'm completely confident that i won't hear the answers i'm looking for, so i agree. psmee sandbags me, though, lobbing softball after softball at this guy! she would probably disagree - to be fair, there were some real questions in there - but the fact remains that i lost the bet.
i'm a raised-right kind of girl, so i have to honor my commitment, and do so, there in the bar. i pay in full and then some, and next thing i know he's talking about how he wants to see me again and i'm not on that page, so i tell him he's "not my type," thinking that
a. this is true, and
b. it's a nice way to let someone down - it's no one's fault, it doesn't mean he's bad or ugly or not cool or stupid, it just means he's not for me.
he presses me, and dumb drunk girl that i am, the only reason i can give him is that he's not "edgy" enough - the world's dumbest answer, but what i meant was that most guys who catch my eye aren't wearing buttondowns and leather boots - really nice clothes, true, but not my speed. a superficial judgment to be sure, but come on! it's a bar hookup! anyway, one thing leads to another and next thing i know we're all headed back to psmee's place, then her door is closed and he and i are on the couch, and... good grief! so he starts talking about calling me, seeing me again, etc but i repeat my "not my type" protest, and he's having none of it. finally, we exchange numbers but since he knows there's someone else (who'd been texting me that night... he's going to need a name of some sort, but for now, know he's the one in the picture these days), he says he's not going to call me - if i want to see him, i have to call him, but i should know, he really wants to hear from me. i, of course, agree - perfect, right? so i drop him off, drive home, and delete his number from my phone just in case i'm tempted - i've got a good thing going and a tendency to self-sabotage (duh, why did i make out with this random stranger when i have a sweetie?), it's not about him. i feel guilty the next morning, and by saturday night i've confessed my sins to the boy, he responds in the best possible way, and i wash my hands of the whole thing.
tuesday, i receive this text:
"I can be edgy."
!!!!!!
no i did not write back.
Friday, December 08, 2006
GUESS WHO'S GOING TO THE PEACH BOWL?!
OHHHHHHHHHH YEAH!!! I AM!!!!
a longtime bff of mine is a student at virginia tech, so it means i'll be in their student section, but who the hell cares? i'm going to scream my head off for the dawgs! i'm going to eat chicken sandwiches falling from the sky! i'm going to be in atlanta for 18 hours!
GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO DAWGS! SIC 'EM!
a longtime bff of mine is a student at virginia tech, so it means i'll be in their student section, but who the hell cares? i'm going to scream my head off for the dawgs! i'm going to eat chicken sandwiches falling from the sky! i'm going to be in atlanta for 18 hours!
GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO DAWGS! SIC 'EM!
Monday, December 04, 2006
you threw a fire, i threw a spark
whoa.
you say you never date girls who are smarter than you, i say we're two kinds of smart. i might have a big vocabulary, but you can fix a car. if i'd spent six years at school learning how to do that i STILL wouldn't understand those things like you do.
you like joe gibbs for onereason. i like him for another. close enough.
you say, "what if one night when you came home from work, i was on your front steps, waiting for you?"
i say bring it on.
you say you never date girls who are smarter than you, i say we're two kinds of smart. i might have a big vocabulary, but you can fix a car. if i'd spent six years at school learning how to do that i STILL wouldn't understand those things like you do.
you like joe gibbs for onereason. i like him for another. close enough.
you say, "what if one night when you came home from work, i was on your front steps, waiting for you?"
i say bring it on.
Friday, December 01, 2006
fallout
FEBRUARY: the shortest month, but the longest for me. the january apocalypse colored everything. i look at my planner for that and only one thing stands out: my appointment with dr. good. i was in a deep, dark depression unlike any other i've ever experienced, questioning absolutely everything about myself and my capacities to love and be loved. it was an awful, black black month. but dr. good cut to the chase and told me i really didn't belong there, and by march things started looking up, some.
Thursday, November 30, 2006
a good year
on the eve of the last month of 2006, i realized that this has been one of the best years of my life, if not the best. i feel more present than i ever have. i know that sounds very new agey and ridiculous, but what i mean is that i have a clarity of reflection i don't recall from years gone by - i remember each month distinctly and somehow feel more whole as a result. i'm going to consult my planner to help with this little exercise, but it's just a gentle reminder of the months gone by, rather than a play-by-play of my daily life.
JANUARY: in and out with a bang, polar opposites. new year's morning i woke up surrounded by friends like a pile of puppies, cozy in my sister's adorable downtown studio. my head was pleasantly fuzzy with the excess of the night before, smooches and bourbon and fireworks casting a glow around me that insulated me against the grey day outside. i woke up earlier than anyone else and walked the half a block to the water, perched on a bench, and thought about the year to come. i was pumped - happy job, happy family, happy friends. my peace was shattered at the end of the month, however, when i had the most horrific breakup i've ever had. ever.
i'm still not sure what i want to say about that so i'm going to leave it there for a minute, but i'll be back with february, hopefully tomorrow.
JANUARY: in and out with a bang, polar opposites. new year's morning i woke up surrounded by friends like a pile of puppies, cozy in my sister's adorable downtown studio. my head was pleasantly fuzzy with the excess of the night before, smooches and bourbon and fireworks casting a glow around me that insulated me against the grey day outside. i woke up earlier than anyone else and walked the half a block to the water, perched on a bench, and thought about the year to come. i was pumped - happy job, happy family, happy friends. my peace was shattered at the end of the month, however, when i had the most horrific breakup i've ever had. ever.
i'm still not sure what i want to say about that so i'm going to leave it there for a minute, but i'll be back with february, hopefully tomorrow.
Friday, October 27, 2006
Monday, October 23, 2006
the egg that will not break
i could probably write a million posts about how much i love my family. every time i come back from a visit to my hometown, i'm suffused with a feeling of such contentedness... this feeling truly puts my problems in perspective, the love so dwarfs the bad stuff. this weekend was an embarrassment of riches on the family front - my uncle, his wife, and my cousin flew down from new england to scoop up my college-freshman-cousin to spend some time with my family. it's so hard to explain what's so special about it all - we ate great food, but don't most families? we caught up and reminisced, but that's what families do, right? there's just something about being with people among whom you so clearly belong. there's the simple fact of our height - my dad and his brother are about 6'7" and 6'4", my sister's 6' tall, my cousins, mom, aunt, and i are all around 5'9. walking in a pack with this group feels so great - with them, i'm not this odd duck, the cygnet among ducklings with her head and shoulders above the crowd. that's actually a pretty apt, if unintentional, metaphor for the entire feeling of belonging. when i look at my parents and aunt and uncle, i see people i'd like to become in middle age, and when i look at my cousins, 16 and 18 years old, i see so much of myself at that age. one of the lessons of the ugly duckling is that suffering just doesn't matter as much when you have your flock to come home to.
"To be born in a duck's nest, in a farmyard, is of no consequence to a bird, if it is hatched from a swan's egg. He now felt glad at having suffered sorrow and trouble, because it enabled him to enjoy so much better all the pleasure and happiness around him; for the great swans swam round the new-comer, and stroked his neck with their beaks, as a welcome.... Then he felt quite ashamed, and hid his head under his wing; for he did not know what to do, he was so happy, and yet not at all proud... Then he rustled his feathers, curved his slender neck, and cried joyfully, from the depths of his heart, "I never dreamed of such happiness as this, while I was an ugly duckling."
"To be born in a duck's nest, in a farmyard, is of no consequence to a bird, if it is hatched from a swan's egg. He now felt glad at having suffered sorrow and trouble, because it enabled him to enjoy so much better all the pleasure and happiness around him; for the great swans swam round the new-comer, and stroked his neck with their beaks, as a welcome.... Then he felt quite ashamed, and hid his head under his wing; for he did not know what to do, he was so happy, and yet not at all proud... Then he rustled his feathers, curved his slender neck, and cried joyfully, from the depths of his heart, "I never dreamed of such happiness as this, while I was an ugly duckling."
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
Thursday, October 12, 2006
DC ink
i finally did it. i have been talking about it for more than a decade. half of my girl friends have done it. half the boys i love have done it time and time again. i got a tattoo.
it's five birds in flight on the inside of my left wrist. i'll have a better photo later, maybe tomorrow, but i have time to write about it today so i thought i'd throw it up.
the summer before my freshman year of college my friend deuce and i were full of plans we couldn't wait to launch once we arrived in athens. getting tattoos topped the list - hardly an original adventure for a couple of teenagers moving 600 miles from home, but it was ours. i told my dad about it over dinner at a tgi friday's outside durham, en route to my move-in. i wasn't worried about his reaction - my parents are fairly liberal folks with regards to child-rearing - pretty strict as we grew up, but once i graduated from high school they lifted my nightly curfew, fully ready to push their little bird out of the nest. my dad's measured response didn't surprise me, "well honey, it's a big decision, but it's your body..." but then he made me an offer i couldn't refuse: "wait till you graduate from college. be sure you really want it. and i'll give you $1,000."
so i waited. coincidentally, so did deuce, and we became so wrapped up in college life that the urgency faded, and we both graduated ink-free. i was rewarded with the sweet iBook that got me through graduate school. the inclination never faded, though, and a couple years later deuce got her first, quickly followed by her second. i continued to admire the art on others, and talked it to death with anyone who would listen. i had an idea for one that i was pretty set on, but then on that magical night with my sister and psmee at the eric bachmann show, a bolt of lightning hit me and i changed gears. suddenly i knew i wanted a bird on my wrist - symbolically, it fit so well with the risks i've been trying to take more often. this evolved into a flock, symbolizing fluidity and freedom, and also expresses how i feel about my dear confidants who surround me and keep me aloft. writing it out makes it sounds so new-agey, but it's very real to me. i guess it better be since i've got it for life now!
the birds are transfers from what amounts to my parents' bible - the sibley guide to birds, from the audubon society. they're actually gulls, which means i've got a flock of seagulls on my wrist... damn that 80s band, can't get the song out of my head. but it works for me because of my coastal upbringing and ocean cravings. psmee and my sister and her BF were all there for me during the entire process and i couldn't have asked for better guides. i'm not going to lie - it HURT. but it was completely manageable thanks to my skilled and slightly intimidating tattooist - he was cool enough that i didn't want to be a wuss in front of him, but humane and kind, too. the actual inking took about 25 minutes. i was flat on my back on a table like in a doctor's office... but as he astutely pointed out, does my doctor's office play black sabbath? anyway, when he was finished i rose slowly, a little lightheaded and woozy. i walked out to the shop area to show it off, then returned for a bandage and care instructions. about then this crazy high kicked in - like nothing i've EVER experienced. i was goofy, drunk on adrenaline. we met a bunch of friends for dinner and drinks and i was untouchable, shooting whisky and downing beers just to bring me down to earth a little. i called my parents - after shocking dad with "hey dad! guess what? i just got FIVE tattoos!" i described it and thanked him for the birds lifted from his book, and he's excited to see it. my mom said it best, though - as soon as i told her she said, "oh honey, this has been a lifelong dream for you!"
she's so right.
it's five birds in flight on the inside of my left wrist. i'll have a better photo later, maybe tomorrow, but i have time to write about it today so i thought i'd throw it up.
the summer before my freshman year of college my friend deuce and i were full of plans we couldn't wait to launch once we arrived in athens. getting tattoos topped the list - hardly an original adventure for a couple of teenagers moving 600 miles from home, but it was ours. i told my dad about it over dinner at a tgi friday's outside durham, en route to my move-in. i wasn't worried about his reaction - my parents are fairly liberal folks with regards to child-rearing - pretty strict as we grew up, but once i graduated from high school they lifted my nightly curfew, fully ready to push their little bird out of the nest. my dad's measured response didn't surprise me, "well honey, it's a big decision, but it's your body..." but then he made me an offer i couldn't refuse: "wait till you graduate from college. be sure you really want it. and i'll give you $1,000."
so i waited. coincidentally, so did deuce, and we became so wrapped up in college life that the urgency faded, and we both graduated ink-free. i was rewarded with the sweet iBook that got me through graduate school. the inclination never faded, though, and a couple years later deuce got her first, quickly followed by her second. i continued to admire the art on others, and talked it to death with anyone who would listen. i had an idea for one that i was pretty set on, but then on that magical night with my sister and psmee at the eric bachmann show, a bolt of lightning hit me and i changed gears. suddenly i knew i wanted a bird on my wrist - symbolically, it fit so well with the risks i've been trying to take more often. this evolved into a flock, symbolizing fluidity and freedom, and also expresses how i feel about my dear confidants who surround me and keep me aloft. writing it out makes it sounds so new-agey, but it's very real to me. i guess it better be since i've got it for life now!
the birds are transfers from what amounts to my parents' bible - the sibley guide to birds, from the audubon society. they're actually gulls, which means i've got a flock of seagulls on my wrist... damn that 80s band, can't get the song out of my head. but it works for me because of my coastal upbringing and ocean cravings. psmee and my sister and her BF were all there for me during the entire process and i couldn't have asked for better guides. i'm not going to lie - it HURT. but it was completely manageable thanks to my skilled and slightly intimidating tattooist - he was cool enough that i didn't want to be a wuss in front of him, but humane and kind, too. the actual inking took about 25 minutes. i was flat on my back on a table like in a doctor's office... but as he astutely pointed out, does my doctor's office play black sabbath? anyway, when he was finished i rose slowly, a little lightheaded and woozy. i walked out to the shop area to show it off, then returned for a bandage and care instructions. about then this crazy high kicked in - like nothing i've EVER experienced. i was goofy, drunk on adrenaline. we met a bunch of friends for dinner and drinks and i was untouchable, shooting whisky and downing beers just to bring me down to earth a little. i called my parents - after shocking dad with "hey dad! guess what? i just got FIVE tattoos!" i described it and thanked him for the birds lifted from his book, and he's excited to see it. my mom said it best, though - as soon as i told her she said, "oh honey, this has been a lifelong dream for you!"
she's so right.
Friday, September 22, 2006
crowned in chrome
what is it about eric bachmann? i went to see him last night with my sister, psmee, and another friend, and it was pure bliss. no other songwriter has the pull over me that he does - i feel simultaneously heartbroken and elated every time i listen to his music, and somewhere in that tension is the magic. i can't even count how many times i've seen him - as a trio, solo, with a full band... i'm there every chance i get. he started with an old archers song (well, it was a late archers song), chumming the oceans, a song i never thought i'd hear. he played man o war and carrboro woman from the new album, as well as a variety of songs from crooked fingers albums, most notably, for me, new drink for the old drunk. spellbinding. i talked with him at length after the show and he was kind, personable, and so down to earth... i've certainly talked to lesser celebs and caught way more attitude and exclusivity... i was totally starstruck. still am, i think.
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
private dancer
what's hot?
high of 72.
what's hotter?
eric bachmann.
what's hottest?
drunk dials from the west coast.
some days start just the right way, even when they start a little earlier than you thought they would.
high of 72.
what's hotter?
eric bachmann.
what's hottest?
drunk dials from the west coast.
some days start just the right way, even when they start a little earlier than you thought they would.
Monday, September 18, 2006
roundup
what a great weekend. highlights include, but are not limited to...
-partying in baltimore for a coworker/friend's birthday. david simon attended. crazy!
-shaking my thang at rock and roll hotel. free sparx = the way to kick a night off right. not so hot? andy rourke in the dj booth. a couple hits with a lot of filler, and terrible transitions. c'mon man, i learned how to work a basic crossfader at good ol' WUOG - after decades of rockstardom, you can't?
-psmee is here! hanging out with her and her lovely mom are the obvious highlights, followed closely by the nap i took with sadie on the couch in front of the notre dame game. anytime you want help finishing off a bottle of your finest czech vintage, i'm your girl.
-weeds. holy crap, what a great show. i watched the first disc of season 1. awesome.
-3-eye cookies with the above lovely ladies and a meander through eastern market.
-pimms cups on the porch with roommate to the strains of the great escape... our farewell to summer.
-partying in baltimore for a coworker/friend's birthday. david simon attended. crazy!
-shaking my thang at rock and roll hotel. free sparx = the way to kick a night off right. not so hot? andy rourke in the dj booth. a couple hits with a lot of filler, and terrible transitions. c'mon man, i learned how to work a basic crossfader at good ol' WUOG - after decades of rockstardom, you can't?
-psmee is here! hanging out with her and her lovely mom are the obvious highlights, followed closely by the nap i took with sadie on the couch in front of the notre dame game. anytime you want help finishing off a bottle of your finest czech vintage, i'm your girl.
-weeds. holy crap, what a great show. i watched the first disc of season 1. awesome.
-3-eye cookies with the above lovely ladies and a meander through eastern market.
-pimms cups on the porch with roommate to the strains of the great escape... our farewell to summer.
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
make it hot
i've been making some big changes lately. well, more like one big one that has led to lots of little ones. but it started with a big mistake.
a couple weeks ago a good friend of mine came to town. everything started out great - a big group of us went out and he&i had eyes only for each other. but the next day, when i saw how happy he was to see me, i shut down and shut him out. this is pretty standard for me - i figure out what i want, i get really close to it, and then i become overwhelmed by a barrage of "what ifs?" and the potential consequences of honesty. i don't face this paralysis anywhere but in my personal life. it's much easier to keep the things i want at arms-length, but before this, i never realized what that can do to the object of my conditional affection. this time i saw the before&after of my bait&switch, and it affected me viscerally. when i saw how his face changed over 24 hours, from the full-on, eyes locked grin of that morning to the eyes-downcast, half-smile of our goodbye, it finally hit me that my behavior was unacceptable. this time the "what ifs?" in my head were all about him - what if he thought it was his fault? that he'd done something to change my feelings? it kept me awake at night. so, as i worked on a way to make it up to him, the gears in the back of my head were, apparently, churning, steeling my resolve to stop living with this kind of regret.
i've had wake-up calls before, but not like this. this time, at least for now, it seems to have taken. the weeks since have been unlike any others. instead of engaging in my typical two-steps-forward three-steps-back pas de deux, i've shot the liquid courage and taken decisive, unmistakable steps forward. toward the longtime questionmark, toward the bad boy. though these advances have been, to say the least, well-received, that's not really the point. the point is how it's changed the way i feel - there is real power in being forthright about your intentions. POWER. while these things raise as many questions as they answer (that could be because of who i choose, but that's a question for another time), the clarity in having any answers at all is undeniably refreshing. would i be singing a different tune if my advances had been rebuffed? possibly. i like to think not, but who knows? it's also not like i've been taking huge gambles. but i've got to remember how good it feels to actually take action. when you get down to it, making out is a lot more fun than running what-if scenarios all night long.
a couple weeks ago a good friend of mine came to town. everything started out great - a big group of us went out and he&i had eyes only for each other. but the next day, when i saw how happy he was to see me, i shut down and shut him out. this is pretty standard for me - i figure out what i want, i get really close to it, and then i become overwhelmed by a barrage of "what ifs?" and the potential consequences of honesty. i don't face this paralysis anywhere but in my personal life. it's much easier to keep the things i want at arms-length, but before this, i never realized what that can do to the object of my conditional affection. this time i saw the before&after of my bait&switch, and it affected me viscerally. when i saw how his face changed over 24 hours, from the full-on, eyes locked grin of that morning to the eyes-downcast, half-smile of our goodbye, it finally hit me that my behavior was unacceptable. this time the "what ifs?" in my head were all about him - what if he thought it was his fault? that he'd done something to change my feelings? it kept me awake at night. so, as i worked on a way to make it up to him, the gears in the back of my head were, apparently, churning, steeling my resolve to stop living with this kind of regret.
i've had wake-up calls before, but not like this. this time, at least for now, it seems to have taken. the weeks since have been unlike any others. instead of engaging in my typical two-steps-forward three-steps-back pas de deux, i've shot the liquid courage and taken decisive, unmistakable steps forward. toward the longtime questionmark, toward the bad boy. though these advances have been, to say the least, well-received, that's not really the point. the point is how it's changed the way i feel - there is real power in being forthright about your intentions. POWER. while these things raise as many questions as they answer (that could be because of who i choose, but that's a question for another time), the clarity in having any answers at all is undeniably refreshing. would i be singing a different tune if my advances had been rebuffed? possibly. i like to think not, but who knows? it's also not like i've been taking huge gambles. but i've got to remember how good it feels to actually take action. when you get down to it, making out is a lot more fun than running what-if scenarios all night long.
Monday, September 11, 2006
september 11, 2001
like many people, today i'm thinking a lot about where i was on this day five years ago. pretty much anyone who would read this blog knows my story, but i'm going to record it here for posterity. details are already fading as it is.
as so many seem to remember, september 11, 2001 was a gorgeous day - clear with a hint of the crispness that signals the arrival of fall. i had just moved to washington, dc for graduate school and was just settling into my new schedule. my tuesday classes started late in the day, so when i woke up around 8:30 i decided to go for a run. even more unusual than that, i flipped on the tv when i returned. mom always told us that tv before school would make us stupid, so turning on the television in the morning has always been a bit transgressive to me. the first thing i saw was the gash in the world trade center. i called to my roommate, "i think something's going on... the world trade center is on fire." she joined me and together we watched the second plane hit. and then, the pentagon. i think my heart stopped for a second, and i know my face went grey and cold as i immediately reached for the phone, saying "oh my god, my dad." he had a variety of offices, one of which was in the pentagon. i dialed his 800 number and he picked up almost immediately, to my enormous relief. "dad, where are you?" "i'm in my office, sweetie." "WHICH ONE?? a plane just hit the pentagon!" fortunately, he was in suitland, maryland that morning, and because he'd been reviewing a closed-circuit briefing, he didn't even know yet that the pentagon had been hit. we chatted for just a moment and then i let him go, knowing he would have a lot to deal with in the coming hours and days. shortly thereafter my roommate's dad called, no small feat on a day of completely jammed communications. our situation was further complicated by the fact we'd just moved in so we didn't have a landline yet. he managed to get through to the front desk of our building, and the attendant there patched him through the ancient switchboard to us on the in-house phone, which i don't think we ever heard ring till that day. moments later he hopped in the car to make the trip from annapolis and bring us home. he made it into the district with relative ease, due to his quick thinking, so we grabbed a few items, not knowing how long we'd be away, and loaded up the van. our exodus was a shared experience - hundreds of commuters flowed up connecticut avenue on foot, many barefoot and carrying uncomfortable work shoes, everyone frantically punching cellphone buttons. once we cleared the district and reached the beltway, my cellphone - newly acquired, a nod to safety in the big city - went nuts. i checked in with my family, and then listened to message after message... "is your dad ok?" "i know you're in the district now, are you ok? please call me when you can." "i've been trying to get through, i sent you an email, i know you are way too close to this madness." when i arrived in annapolis, my family poured out the front door - dad, followed by sister and mom - all home, all safe.
the hours and days that followed were strange and, at times, upsetting, but it's remarkable how quickly things returned to somewhat normal, at least in my memory. my classes at georgetown were canceled for a couple days, but i'll never forget the first time a passenger jet, in its normal approach to national airport, screamed through the sky over campus. it happens dozens of times every day, but that day everyone in the quad stopped and just looked skyward. i was so fortunate - no one i knew died in any of the attacks, but my dad was not so lucky. the plane that hit the pentagon hit the navy part of the building, and my dad lost many colleagues. i remember how he could point to photos of the wound in the side of the pentagon and identify the microwave and refrigerator in his break room.
even still, whenver i run along the mount vernon trail to gravelly point, i cannot watch the jets arriving without thinking about that day. it's not scary at all, but it is a constant.
as so many seem to remember, september 11, 2001 was a gorgeous day - clear with a hint of the crispness that signals the arrival of fall. i had just moved to washington, dc for graduate school and was just settling into my new schedule. my tuesday classes started late in the day, so when i woke up around 8:30 i decided to go for a run. even more unusual than that, i flipped on the tv when i returned. mom always told us that tv before school would make us stupid, so turning on the television in the morning has always been a bit transgressive to me. the first thing i saw was the gash in the world trade center. i called to my roommate, "i think something's going on... the world trade center is on fire." she joined me and together we watched the second plane hit. and then, the pentagon. i think my heart stopped for a second, and i know my face went grey and cold as i immediately reached for the phone, saying "oh my god, my dad." he had a variety of offices, one of which was in the pentagon. i dialed his 800 number and he picked up almost immediately, to my enormous relief. "dad, where are you?" "i'm in my office, sweetie." "WHICH ONE?? a plane just hit the pentagon!" fortunately, he was in suitland, maryland that morning, and because he'd been reviewing a closed-circuit briefing, he didn't even know yet that the pentagon had been hit. we chatted for just a moment and then i let him go, knowing he would have a lot to deal with in the coming hours and days. shortly thereafter my roommate's dad called, no small feat on a day of completely jammed communications. our situation was further complicated by the fact we'd just moved in so we didn't have a landline yet. he managed to get through to the front desk of our building, and the attendant there patched him through the ancient switchboard to us on the in-house phone, which i don't think we ever heard ring till that day. moments later he hopped in the car to make the trip from annapolis and bring us home. he made it into the district with relative ease, due to his quick thinking, so we grabbed a few items, not knowing how long we'd be away, and loaded up the van. our exodus was a shared experience - hundreds of commuters flowed up connecticut avenue on foot, many barefoot and carrying uncomfortable work shoes, everyone frantically punching cellphone buttons. once we cleared the district and reached the beltway, my cellphone - newly acquired, a nod to safety in the big city - went nuts. i checked in with my family, and then listened to message after message... "is your dad ok?" "i know you're in the district now, are you ok? please call me when you can." "i've been trying to get through, i sent you an email, i know you are way too close to this madness." when i arrived in annapolis, my family poured out the front door - dad, followed by sister and mom - all home, all safe.
the hours and days that followed were strange and, at times, upsetting, but it's remarkable how quickly things returned to somewhat normal, at least in my memory. my classes at georgetown were canceled for a couple days, but i'll never forget the first time a passenger jet, in its normal approach to national airport, screamed through the sky over campus. it happens dozens of times every day, but that day everyone in the quad stopped and just looked skyward. i was so fortunate - no one i knew died in any of the attacks, but my dad was not so lucky. the plane that hit the pentagon hit the navy part of the building, and my dad lost many colleagues. i remember how he could point to photos of the wound in the side of the pentagon and identify the microwave and refrigerator in his break room.
even still, whenver i run along the mount vernon trail to gravelly point, i cannot watch the jets arriving without thinking about that day. it's not scary at all, but it is a constant.
Thursday, August 10, 2006
rolypoly
ok, by and large i think the best blog posts are fairly carefully wrought, focused... descriptive but concise. this is not one of those posts.
first, a bit about last night. sometimes living in the 'burbs freaking RULES! last night my roommate and i made plans to mini golf. last summer - or maybe two summers ago? - we drove all over the place looking for a driving range. we ultimately found a genteel little course and hit a couple buckets, but en route to said course we discovered a facility under construction that looked promising.... top golf. last night, we finally returned. it was a life-changing experience. this place is everything a name like TOP GOLF promises. beautiful clubhouse. huge pro shop. BAR. restaurant. lounging area with huge tvs and sumptuous leather couches. ladies' nights. live music on thursdays. and then you walk outside and you lay your eyes on the finest driving range you've ever seen. double-decker, touchscreens in every unit, stadium seating, leader boards, waitresses bringing beer after beer, climate control for your cold-weather-driving-pleasure. i'm killing myself that i didn't have my camera! finally, we made our way to the mini golf - two courses, desert and mountain. we opted for mountain. par 3s and 4s, jumps and bridges and hazards and tunnels galore. it was easily the best one i've ever played. after playing through, we returned to the clubhouse, lounged on the couches, flipped through golf magazines, and made plans to return just to watch the world series on those sweet tvs. how do you cap an evening like that? simple. carvel soft serve, another fabulous suburban feature. SWEET.
secondly, i had a hilarious ride in this morning. the train, as ever, was packed, but after l'enfant plaza it empties out a bit and i can usually find a seat. this morning was no exception, so i snagged a spot in the first row, facing the vestibule. between archives and chinatown we experienced some turbulence and my lunch tipped over in my lap, sending cherries rolling alllll over the floor in every direction. i yelped, "oh no!" everyone realized what was happening and helped me gather the wayward fruit still tumbling across the floor and deposit it back into my lunchbag. the guy standing next to my seat looks down at me and says, "i think that violates the five-second rule." that, my friends, is HIGH comedy for 8:30am on a weekday! and if there was ever a day to check the "i-saw-you"s and their ilk, today is that day, for i surely made a scene.
first, a bit about last night. sometimes living in the 'burbs freaking RULES! last night my roommate and i made plans to mini golf. last summer - or maybe two summers ago? - we drove all over the place looking for a driving range. we ultimately found a genteel little course and hit a couple buckets, but en route to said course we discovered a facility under construction that looked promising.... top golf. last night, we finally returned. it was a life-changing experience. this place is everything a name like TOP GOLF promises. beautiful clubhouse. huge pro shop. BAR. restaurant. lounging area with huge tvs and sumptuous leather couches. ladies' nights. live music on thursdays. and then you walk outside and you lay your eyes on the finest driving range you've ever seen. double-decker, touchscreens in every unit, stadium seating, leader boards, waitresses bringing beer after beer, climate control for your cold-weather-driving-pleasure. i'm killing myself that i didn't have my camera! finally, we made our way to the mini golf - two courses, desert and mountain. we opted for mountain. par 3s and 4s, jumps and bridges and hazards and tunnels galore. it was easily the best one i've ever played. after playing through, we returned to the clubhouse, lounged on the couches, flipped through golf magazines, and made plans to return just to watch the world series on those sweet tvs. how do you cap an evening like that? simple. carvel soft serve, another fabulous suburban feature. SWEET.
secondly, i had a hilarious ride in this morning. the train, as ever, was packed, but after l'enfant plaza it empties out a bit and i can usually find a seat. this morning was no exception, so i snagged a spot in the first row, facing the vestibule. between archives and chinatown we experienced some turbulence and my lunch tipped over in my lap, sending cherries rolling alllll over the floor in every direction. i yelped, "oh no!" everyone realized what was happening and helped me gather the wayward fruit still tumbling across the floor and deposit it back into my lunchbag. the guy standing next to my seat looks down at me and says, "i think that violates the five-second rule." that, my friends, is HIGH comedy for 8:30am on a weekday! and if there was ever a day to check the "i-saw-you"s and their ilk, today is that day, for i surely made a scene.
Wednesday, August 09, 2006
be prepared!
i absolutely love the neighborhood i walk through on my way to work and back. every day there's something funny, weird, or mildly disturbing going on. today funny was the name of the game. on my way back from picking up coffee, i saw the coolest lady. picture, if you will... on her head rested a sombrero, the sort that comes free with your birthday dinner at mexican restaurants. next, she was all business - a kelly green skirt and suit jacket, with a white(ish) blouse beneath. finally, on her feet, it was all lay-z-boys and the evening paper - argyle socks tucked into huge fuzzy slippers. what does it all mean? one thing's for sure - she's ready for anything!
irritating to the last drop
i have an incredibly annoying habit... so annoying that it even bothers me as i'm doing it, but i'm powerless to stop myself. no matter what i'm eating, i must scrape it clean. my 9am yogurt? not a drop remains. my pudding cup? same. my dinner plate, my ice cream bowl, my peanut butter jar. if i don't get them spotless, it's a personal failure. it's so obnoxious! scrape scrape scrape... a friend of mine used to live with a girl who had a similar habit with her cereal bowl - she had to get every last drop of milk, and the sound of metal spoon versus ceramic bowl produced a racket dubbed "the roundup" a'la banging a triangle to call the farmhands in from the fields for dinner. as i'm doing i look critically at the dregs of my food, reasoning that there cannot possibly be any gain to be had in scouring the last drop with my spoon, angling it for the perfect, cleanest swipe... and still i can't stop.
Friday, August 04, 2006
oh, it's on...
my blog, that is... i had another, deleted it, and thanks to the diverting forays by my friends, i'm inspired to give it another go. so here it is, the first post. out of the way. impressive.
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