Friday, December 29, 2006

in which i remember a year well spent

stole this from the blog of a friend of friends...

1. What did you do in 2006 that you'd never done before? well, it's always something new at work, i definitely took on a ton of responsibilities and challenges there that were incredibly rewarding. personally, i started a blog and actually told people it exists! oh and got my tattoo, of course.

2. Did you keep your New Year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year? unbelievably, i kept almost all of them. i ran not one but 2 5Ks, and running is truly a lifestyle now. i drink tons of water. i eat much more healthfully. i saved a pile of money. the only two i didn't keep were meeting with a financial planner, but i did buy (and read!) a suze orman book, and visiting maine, nashville, and philly - i went 1 for 3 on those.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? three of my best friends' sisters each had little ones, and i eagerly await the babies due in february and april to two special friends!

4. Did anyone close to you die? yes.

5. What countries did you visit?did i leave the country this year? yikes, nope. but i do have the BVI trip to look forward to in a few months.

6. What would you like to have had in 2006 that you lacked in 2005? my own home. fingers crossed for '07.

7. What date from 2006 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? august 26th. a lovely wedding, and an incredible sunrise.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? i was going to say my running, but actually, NOT running is my biggest achievement... letting someone in is something i haven't done in ages, and it feels good.

9. What was your biggest failure? ocean city.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? nothing out of the ordinary, thank goodness.

11. What were the best things you bought? tons of plane tickets.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? my grandmother's. she broke her hip and has been so incredible throughout her remarkable recovery.

13. Whose behavior appalled you? my own, on occasion. but that's getting better.

14. Where did most of your money go? food and drink and travel.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? psmee's move! and i'm so excited to go to the peach bowl! and my kitten!

16. What song will always remind you of 2006? crazy by gnarls barkley - truly the song of the year. my ringtone, my philadelphia gift trip, my friend, and "who do you think you are? you really think you're in control?"

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder?
much, MUCH happier.
ii. thinner or fatter? leaner.
iii. richer or poorer? richer.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of? spending time with friends.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of? working. i love it but i'm going to burn out if i don't take more time off.

20. How did you spend Christmas? at work, followed by "christmas morning" at home in annapolis with my family.


22. Did you fall in love in 2006? no. but falling in like sure feels good.

23. How many one-night stands? none.

24. What was your favorite TV program? grey's anatomy. rob&big.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? no. but i definitely lost a friend in the last year.

26. What was the best book you read? the year of magical thinking by joan didion.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery? i'm starting to think it might be classic country.

28. What did you want and get? a pet! my lovely winston kitten. and diamond studs.

29. What did you want and not get? a bose wave radio. but i'm not sure i really want it.

30. What was your favorite film of this year? casino royale

31. What did you do on your birthday? yikes, i don't really remember... oh, family birthday and a small dinner with friends. i didn't really feel like celebrating this year, for some strange reason, but still felt very celebrated.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? more vacations

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2006? prep/punk... weird, i know. lots of jeans and chucks, way too many orders.

34. What kept you sane? my friends and family, hands down. and two quick therapy sessions.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? sophia bush, total girlcrush, though it's pretty over now.

36. What political issue stirred you the most? i plead the fifth.

37. Who did you miss? my former friend's husband.

38. Who was the best new person you met? did i meet new people this year? oh! probably my workfriend's BF, steve.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2006. i can't be friends with everyone, and that is ok. sometimes it's for the best.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year: i thought it was going to be "i am going to make it through this year if it kills me" but that was really just the first half. for the second half, maybe "i never loved nobody fully/always one foot on the ground/and by protecting myself truly/i got lost in the sounds i hear in my mind"

Thursday, December 28, 2006


ok, so that b word? done. he used the corresponding g word a couple times over the weekend as a descriptor - it's such an easy shorthand - and i relented. after hearing him describe to a childhood friend of mine how he pursued me ("i came after her! seriously..."), how could i not? after another friend of mine told me about how she jokingly said to him "she's such a bitch," and he responded with complete incredulity, "what?! she's an angel bunny!" how could i not? after unwrapping an incredibly thoughtful gift that reminds me of him every morning, how could i not?

Tuesday, December 19, 2006


a couple of you have been looking for more info on the man of mystery who's been haunting my last couple of posts. i finally feel like talking about him (the short story, anyway), so i guess today's your lucky day!

he's a friend of my sister's from high school - they actually went to her senior year homecoming dance together, so when he called me in october to invite me to a november wedding, i accepted easily, since i've known him for ages. i didn't think much of it, but then at a halloween party a few days later it quickly devolved (evolved?) into makeout central, and since then we've been seeing each other with accelerating frequency. he could not be kinder, nor more tolerant of my neuroses.

he also couldn't be hotter, or more "my type," apparently. i wasn't really aware that i had a type, but yesterday my sister called my attention to my myspace profile, where i list "who i'd like to meet." that list is lavar arrington, eric bachmann, and todd ashley. lavar's a former redskin and pretty much the coolest guy in the nfl. if you know me and don't know who bachmann is, check here. todd ashley is the one in the middle of this photo. he had a show on mtv called "fast inc." that i thought would be a dud but quickly became obsessed with thanks to ashley (that happens to me a lot - somehow mtv's always got my number. i thought rob&big looked awful when they first started promoting it, but i flipping love that show. that's a story for another blog, however). so this new guy (henceforth known as cam, because he also resembles volchek from the OC, plus it's a car word, something to do with engines) is a shockingly accurate mashup of bachmann and ashley, from looks (blonde, receding hairline, lanky, astonishing blue eyes, tattoos, general roguishness), to interests (cars, engines, music, outlaw living), and even demeanor, at least at first blush. i had no idea i was so predictable!

the best thing about cam, however, isn't how he looks - it's who he is. he's generous and affectionate and romantic, he's got a million interests that i'm quickly learning about, and he seems to think the world of me. i'm not ready for the "b" word yet, but he promises me all the time i need to get there. and that's what makes me like him most of all.

Thursday, December 14, 2006

bad girl/good girl

a couple of weeks ago i acted rashly. it seems i've been doing that a lot lately (see previous post)! for some, my behavior amounts to just another night in a bar but it was fairly out of character for me.

two weeks ago, psmee and i booked tickets for a fabulous vacation. naturally, after said booking we felt the urge to celebrate, so we headed out to the strip of bars near her place to toast our future travels and make plans for bikini purchases. the first place we went to was an odd duck - irish name, asian staff, country&western music on the speakers. it had a short bar populated by a couple of regulars and a row of invitingly empty stools. after a couple of beers and a lot of chatter we were ready for something a little more raucous, so we moved on. our second choice was far more typical for the area - loud, dark, and packed with hill types. miraculously, psmee ferreted out two empty stools on the corner of the bar. so we laid claim and ordered another round.

not five minutes later there was a guy at my elbow, chatting me up. in my typical fashion, i sort of halfway responded to his questions, not interested in him, but not interested in being rude, either. plus, there's always something intriguing about getting hit on, no matter what the guy looks like - it's like, what's going to come out of his mouth next? what's his motivation here? what did he see in me that made him think we should be talking? proximity? an obvious point of commonality? attraction? it's an interesting game, and you know they're playing it too, so it's not cruel. this time around i kept drawing blanks - he was dressed very differently from me, and i was taller than him, and we didn't seem to have anything in common (although it later turned out i know a friend of one of the guys he was with - but that was a surprise coincidence). so we keep talking, and psmee starts talking to some hoodlums, and everything's funny, just another random bar night, and next thing i know this guy's making some bet with psmee about how many questions he can answer "right" in my eyes - at some threshold of correctly answered questions, i have to kiss him. by this point i'm completely confident that i won't hear the answers i'm looking for, so i agree. psmee sandbags me, though, lobbing softball after softball at this guy! she would probably disagree - to be fair, there were some real questions in there - but the fact remains that i lost the bet.

i'm a raised-right kind of girl, so i have to honor my commitment, and do so, there in the bar. i pay in full and then some, and next thing i know he's talking about how he wants to see me again and i'm not on that page, so i tell him he's "not my type," thinking that

a. this is true, and
b. it's a nice way to let someone down - it's no one's fault, it doesn't mean he's bad or ugly or not cool or stupid, it just means he's not for me.

he presses me, and dumb drunk girl that i am, the only reason i can give him is that he's not "edgy" enough - the world's dumbest answer, but what i meant was that most guys who catch my eye aren't wearing buttondowns and leather boots - really nice clothes, true, but not my speed. a superficial judgment to be sure, but come on! it's a bar hookup! anyway, one thing leads to another and next thing i know we're all headed back to psmee's place, then her door is closed and he and i are on the couch, and... good grief! so he starts talking about calling me, seeing me again, etc but i repeat my "not my type" protest, and he's having none of it. finally, we exchange numbers but since he knows there's someone else (who'd been texting me that night... he's going to need a name of some sort, but for now, know he's the one in the picture these days), he says he's not going to call me - if i want to see him, i have to call him, but i should know, he really wants to hear from me. i, of course, agree - perfect, right? so i drop him off, drive home, and delete his number from my phone just in case i'm tempted - i've got a good thing going and a tendency to self-sabotage (duh, why did i make out with this random stranger when i have a sweetie?), it's not about him. i feel guilty the next morning, and by saturday night i've confessed my sins to the boy, he responds in the best possible way, and i wash my hands of the whole thing.

tuesday, i receive this text:
"I can be edgy."


no i did not write back.

Friday, December 08, 2006



a longtime bff of mine is a student at virginia tech, so it means i'll be in their student section, but who the hell cares? i'm going to scream my head off for the dawgs! i'm going to eat chicken sandwiches falling from the sky! i'm going to be in atlanta for 18 hours!


Monday, December 04, 2006

you threw a fire, i threw a spark


you say you never date girls who are smarter than you, i say we're two kinds of smart. i might have a big vocabulary, but you can fix a car. if i'd spent six years at school learning how to do that i STILL wouldn't understand those things like you do.

you like joe gibbs for onereason. i like him for another. close enough.

you say, "what if one night when you came home from work, i was on your front steps, waiting for you?"

i say bring it on.

Friday, December 01, 2006


FEBRUARY: the shortest month, but the longest for me. the january apocalypse colored everything. i look at my planner for that and only one thing stands out: my appointment with dr. good. i was in a deep, dark depression unlike any other i've ever experienced, questioning absolutely everything about myself and my capacities to love and be loved. it was an awful, black black month. but dr. good cut to the chase and told me i really didn't belong there, and by march things started looking up, some.