in a nutshell

i have total writer's block lately. not that what i jot here counts as writing. but anyway, here's an exercise in memory...

20 years ago I...
was nine years old. i don't remember much about it. i guess i was in fourth grade... ok it's coming back now. my hair was the shortest it's ever been, and so many people thought i was a boy i'll never ever do that again. i had a blue chambray shirt with silver studs on the pockets and a khaki skirt that i absolutely loved to wear together... i can still feel the fabric of the shirt, and how good i felt in that outfit. someone still referred to me as a boy, one day when i was wearing that outfit, and it never felt the same after that. it still makes me a little sad to think about. that, and that my grandfather died that year. i was so young i didn't really understand it. i mean, i knew what it meant, but it felt like something i reacted to in the way i felt i should. i loved him a ton, but whatever mourning i've done over his death has been a mellow missing him over the years, more than a tremendous display of emotion at the time.

10 years ago I...
was 19 years old. in college, a sophomore, naive and having the time of my life. i lived in river mill, tried my first cigarette, and dreamed of boys i didn't actually know. i also had my first boyfriend, though i have a hard time calling that since the entire thing was long-distance. i remember him with utmost fondness. we had a shared love of dental hygiene. we broke up when i was in cambridge visiting family, and i can still see him riding away on his bike. yikes. it was actually a huge year. one of my best friends went to prison - real, honest-to-god lock up, and my other grandfather died. that one was a lot harder... it wasn't a surprise, but i was so far from my family when it happened... it was strange.

Five years ago I...
entered my last year of grad school in dc. it was a very intellectual time period where i held down my dream internship and wrote my thesis. i had lots of fantastically smart friends, and graduated.

So far this year, I've...
done more than i can possibly distill. it's been the best ever, full of LOVE more than anything. friends, family, kitty, and the best boyfriend in the world. i even love my job, most of the time.

Yesterday I...
grilled top-notch steaks while cam made a flawless hollandaise to go with the asparagus.

Today I...
haven't done much, but a former crush did call me a "beautiful woman." in less than an hour, cam's picking me up so we can meet my agent and see some more condos.

Tomorrow I'll...
cook up a storm for the halloweiner! and hopefully come up with a halloween costume.