Thursday, December 11, 2008

getting back

work today was like a strangely familiar. coming in, it was still somber. colleagues who met in the hall asked, just like any day, "how are you?" but instead of the usual banter, responses were measured. "ok, but it's a weird day." "you know, well, ok." "fine... ish." the day after layoffs is kind of like the gathering after a funeral. the grand statements have been made, the departed has been laid to rest. then everyone comes together, to eat, to remember. and, generally, at some point the mood lightens. that's what today was like. when we got to work, things were still pretty dour. we got through our work day, and met, like we usually do, after our final deadline. after some business, my boss posed the question, "so, how are you feeling now? are you all doing ok?" she's good about that, about checking in on us. at first, the responses were reactive, raw. many people, including me, were still having lingering "it's not fair" feelings, and some resentment toward management. but as we talked through it, we started talking about other things, and then joking, and laughing. and by the end of the meeting, we'd organized a secret santa exchange, and we all left feeling lighter. and so i think i'm feeling better. even saying that feels so callous, so... bougie. i still have a job. but the fact of the matter is that i can't mourn for the laid off forever. i should be grateful and appreciate what i have, and do the best i can with what i've got. it's all you can really do. it's just not always the easiest thing.

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