just killing time

nablopomo means one thing for sure: kitty neglect. all the time i spend with my laptop in my lap is time spent with winston staring at me from the coffee table, walking on the keyboard, or smooshing his head into my leg trying to shove the computer out of the way. sweeney's a little better at dealing because she's so small, and she likes being beside me as much as sitting on me anyway, so.

here i am blogging about my freaking cats again. it seems to come to this, because when cam's out of town (which is a lot), i spend much of time at home with them. and work's been kind of intense lately (in a good way, i'm learning a new job). and i haven't been reading enough. and when he's gone, i watch too much tv. and that's not conducive to the deep thoughts. i could do a blog about crappy tv, but that would necessitate admitting how much of it i'm conversant in. right now i'm watching some poor kid on true life (oh, how i love true life) take his date to the prom, chauffered by his dad in the family minivan, in which, of course, the air conditioning is broken. and they're the first to arrive. awkward. an observation: how come high school girls think that if their dress is long, it's ok that it's extraordinarily slutty on top? like, cut to the bellybutton, and exposing the inside half of each breast? not classy. my prom dress was short, but i'm grown and not embarassed when i see pictures, so i still think it was ok.

deep thoughts, people. deep thoughts.

the good good news!

ok so i know i said i was going to get all deep and thematic and organized on this blog, but i can't right now, there's too much good news! first of all, baby olivia is doing well! her surgery got moved up because she's so strong, and the hospital staff (and her wonderful parents) continue to be delighted and amazed with her recovery. so go o go!!!

secondly, aaaah! my bff hamm just got engaged! the details are incredible: a firetruck, a professional sports mascot, bobbleheads for all her students, and a beautiful ring: a row of pink sapphires. if you know my girl, you know how perfect this all is. i'm sooooo happy for her and her beloved - he's a great guy who moved down here to be with her, and i've never doubted his love for her for a second, nor hers for him. i'm just delighted for them. hooray! it's so nice to have some things to celebrate!

taking stock

today's blog marks the halfway home point on this blogging-everyday-for-a-month experiment. in taking stock, i give myself credit for only missing one day so far. not bad! unfortunately, though, i'm not doing what i want to do most of the time. i don't want to just blog life updates. blah blah i did this last night. i think i'll be able to come up with more compelling things to write about when i don't have a daily deadline, but at the same time, i like the daily rigor and worry that without it, this blog will just languish. plus, i want this blog to be interesting to people who don't know me. and right now it's just like any of a million billion other blogs on the web - girl has cats, has job, has boyfriend. occasionally cooks an interesting meal. borrrrring. there's no theme, there's no drama. and i haven't figured out the public/private thing yet, either.

i have this idea for another blog. i even started it, to dibs the title. i was inspired, as so many have been, by dooce's blog. she makes you care about her life, with her wit and her honesty. her photography is gorgeous, and she has a strong point of view on design. i really admire her and her site, and i'd like to, on a teeny-tiny scale, emulate it in some ways. i'm thinking, to really do it, i'm going to need about three themes, three gimicks, three pieces. i don't even really know how to articulate it. i've got one in mind, and i think the other two are within reach. i just need to spend a bit of time with it. and, oh yeah, i need this. really, i need it! ok maybe need is too strong a word. does anyone know, if i put ads on my site, does that make it a business, so i could write the camera off? just wondering...

photo sesh

this is too funny not to share.

well, actually, i can't share it, exactly. i haven't really figured out the line between my blog life and my real life, and to do so would mean posting a picture of me and cam on the internetz, associated with my fake name. and then, if anyone really cared to do so - as if anyone reads this blog who doesn't know me, anyway - they could figure out who i am. i think my biggest impulse for anonymity exists because of my job. it's a pretty incredible job, and i'd like to keep it. i can't imagine ever saying something that could get me in trouble there, but since i blog as part of my job, too, completely publicly, it just seems sort of... weird. so, right. anyway. back to the funny.

today enna and i were chatting about what to give our grandmother, our dad's mom. she wants for nothing, and doesn't like stuff. you know, the stuff that clutters. anyway, enna's got a perfect gift for her - a picture of her and her new husband on their honeymoon. grandma loves photos. so the question became, what should i do? enna suggested a picture of cam and i and our kitties, kind of funny, but sweet, too. i was a little sketched about it - is it jinx-y, since we're not married? but i decided if cam was in, i was too. i gchatted him about it, and through the miracle that is gchat, i got no response, which of ocourse made me wonder, "does he think it's weird? is this just too too?" but when he picked me up, i asked him about it, and he said yeah, didn't you get my response? "should we get matching sweaters?" that's cam. hilarious!

so we sat down tonight with the camera on a 10-second delay, in front of the tree, and tried to grab the cats and make them face the camera, smiling all the while. cam and i did ok - our pictures were pretty good - but the cats... not so much. unsurprising, sure, but hilarious in that winston, who's generally pretty agreeable and completely photogenic, kept turning his head to the side, away from the camera, in every shot. he looked like a crazy no-eyed devil. sweeney, on the other hand, just exuded pain in every picture. she detests being held. she'll join you for a cuddle, or sit on your lap, but don't try to restrain her. the girl cannot be contained. so, instead of a hilarious outtake from the shoot, you get the cats, trying to compose themselves after we finally gave up (after about 20 photos). we got a decent one, and we'll tell grandma the story. and the cats? they've fully recovered.

baby love

another weekend, another several hundred miles logged on scratch's odometer. but, as usual, it was worth it! i love philadelphia, and never have a bad time there. enna&her husband's party was every bit as fun as usual, and had a huge turnout of folks who drove hours to celebrate with them. they're so worth it! plus, they're incredible hosts. this morning i woke up and told cam i had a deam enna had a freezer full of eggo waffles for everyone's breakfast, and it wasn't a dream! we chowed on coffee, hash browns, and eggos, and slowly came back to life after a long, late night. squidpants came by to catch a ride home, and the three of us got back to dc by 3. cam and i decided we wanted steak for dinner and lucked into an amazing special - ny strip, $5.99/lb! we got enough for 2 meals each - actually, more like four, but when he set that beautiful piece of beef down in front of me, i knew there was no way i'd leave leftovers. i barely touched my potatoes, but i ate every bite of that steak!

and now the kitchen's clean, and we've got fresh flannel sheets on the bed, and the tree's glowing and we watched elf and all's right in the world. i'm so thankful for all of that, the little things, and for my wonderful cam and family. and every second my mind drifts, i'm thinking of just one thing, and if you all would too, i'd appreciate it. here she is:


she's beautiful olivia helen cheek, born a little too soon and spending some time growing and getting strong in the hospital. things are a bit touch and go for her, so if you have a spare second - staring out the kitchen window washing dishes, or folding laundry, or whatever - think of little olivia and her wonderful family and send them wishes of love, health, and strength. i know i am, as hard as i can.

mea culpa

i goofed! i failed to blog last night. i have a good excuse, though - i'm not blogging from work, which is where i spent most of my day, and right after work i hopped a metro train to alexandria to meet cam. he was out of town all week, and made it back just in time for date night. and i certainly couldn't blog on welcome-home-cam-date-night, now could i? so, i think what i'll do is a make-up blog at some point before the month is over. i think that's fair, and i've been doing well so far so i'm not going to beat myself up for it (an accomplishment in itself).

and now we're in the car flying up the interstate to philadelphia. we're late, of course. we have three parties to attend today, the most important of which is enna & her husband's annual bash, in philadelphia this year! it's always a great time, and i'm excited to hurry up and get there! we first made a (an enna-approved) stop by my cousin miche's annual open house. he's an incredible artist and architect - be sure to check out his work. it's a great event, and right up the road from where we live. and miche's wife bakes the most incredible bread... mmmm! this year he had a painting of some ibis in chincoteague that i particularly liked. he's also got an iconic sycamore that hangs in countless of my family's homes, including mine, dedicated to cam. i'll get a picture of that at some point. anyway, it was a lovely, if too-brief, gathering.

getting back

work today was like a strangely familiar. coming in, it was still somber. colleagues who met in the hall asked, just like any day, "how are you?" but instead of the usual banter, responses were measured. "ok, but it's a weird day." "you know, well, ok." "fine... ish." the day after layoffs is kind of like the gathering after a funeral. the grand statements have been made, the departed has been laid to rest. then everyone comes together, to eat, to remember. and, generally, at some point the mood lightens. that's what today was like. when we got to work, things were still pretty dour. we got through our work day, and met, like we usually do, after our final deadline. after some business, my boss posed the question, "so, how are you feeling now? are you all doing ok?" she's good about that, about checking in on us. at first, the responses were reactive, raw. many people, including me, were still having lingering "it's not fair" feelings, and some resentment toward management. but as we talked through it, we started talking about other things, and then joking, and laughing. and by the end of the meeting, we'd organized a secret santa exchange, and we all left feeling lighter. and so i think i'm feeling better. even saying that feels so callous, so... bougie. i still have a job. but the fact of the matter is that i can't mourn for the laid off forever. i should be grateful and appreciate what i have, and do the best i can with what i've got. it's all you can really do. it's just not always the easiest thing.

say it ain't so

photo by K@ja

blogging just doesn't feel right tonight. this afternoon, swirling rumors were confirmed, and exceeded. more than 60 amazing people got laid off at work today. everyone knows blogging about work is a dicey proposition at best, but i have to say something. for one, i'm incredibly grateful i didn't get the axe. i love my job, and i'm not just saying that because heads are rolling. i seriously do. two, i'm grateful to my boss. she's done an amazing job of making my division do a lot with a little, and i think we were spared today because of how hard she's pushed us. and i know that the people who had to make the hard decisions about who to cut did so with no joy. i do hope they made decisions that will see us through this recession without cutting more jobs. and finally, i have yet to hear the name of one of the 64 without thinking, "wow. s/he's on the list?" because they're all amazing. i hope they go on to bigger and better places than here, wilder successes, more complete fulfillment.

there are small comforts tonight. i enjoyed my second to last pilates class. pilates is a fantastic mental break - a friend of mine told me it's the only thing that tames her ADD, because you're concentrating so hard on sucking in your belly/squeezing your butt/articulating your spine/and don't forget to breathe! she's right, and for a full hour i didn't think about it.

i wish i could take a picture of my #1 comfort tonight, but of course, still haven't charged my camera yet. kitty bellies. that's not one of my kitties, but that's the right pose. if you have a sweet cat, just walk up to her when she's like this and bury your face in her fur. or, if you have a winston, like i do, just pick him up by the armpits (you know, like a kid), lift him to your face, drape his front paws on the top of your head, and press your face into his tummy. he loves it, i promise, and it does your psyche so much good.

called out

riding my bus home is rarely dull, and today was no exception. the driver had a virtually full bus, and as the riders started trying to convince him to skip stops because there wasn't any room left, he pulled into a packed one. he opened the door and hopeful commuters piled in, and he just kept imploring us to "move back! move to the back of the bus!" there truly wasn't any room, and it wasn't long till people started telling him about it. i should mention here that the bus is generally mostly full of african american folks, with a healthy dose of latinos, and, well, me. anyway, we've been sitting at the stop for what feels like ages, trying to invent room for more people, when one woman starts yelling out the bus's identification number, "twenty-eight-eleven," and directing people to call metro and report him. "stuff like this doesn't happen on connecticut avenue," she said, "because white people call. we can do that too! everyone call metro! twenty-eight-eleven!" she looked at me, then, and said "no offense! you can call too! you should call too!" i, of course, hadn't taken any offense, and soon enough the bus got going.

later in the trip i was thinking about how i could tell this story (i thought it was pretty funny, and i didn't even tell you about the little kid with the madagascar lemur toy that played "i like to move it move it" every five seconds), and describe how i've felt since i moved to my neighborhood, and how it's evolved. when i moved here - a neighborhood whose demographics mirror that of my bus line - i felt like everywhere i went, a spotlight was shining on my face. it wasn't that i got called out all the time or anything, though that has happened. but these days, i feel like most people who live here have gotten used to seeing me around, and i know quite a few of my neighbors on a first name basis. in reality, the dimming of the spotlight is probably much more about my comfort level than the way i'm actually perceived. i'll always be an anamoly, but i knew that coming in. anyway, i was thinking about all of this as i walked onto my block. there were three kids hanging out in front of what's known as "the bad house" - our lovely, busybody neighbor warned us about it soon after we moved. two, on bikes, looked to be third or fourth graders, and the third, maybe fifth or sixth. i gave them a pretty close look as i walked by to see if i knew any of them, didn't recognize anyone, and kept walking. in retrospect i know i could've said hello - i just tend to leave kids to their business - but i didn't, so they decided to. sort of. when i was just past their group, i hear, low and fast, "whitebitch." nice. i didn't really know how to react, so i just turned halfway around, still walking, and said, "funny."

so what should i have done, and what would you have done?

i've got my laptop to keep me warm

no, seriously. i just re-programmed the thermostat to a sensible 68 degrees when we're home, and the toes that froze on my way to work today still haven't thawed. i do have the most freakishly cold toes in history - ask cam - but i've got my laptop on my lap and toes tucked under my butt and seem to be making progress. because you asked.

the other thing that's going on right now is that both cats are sitting on one chair in the living room, staring up at this christmas ornament my favorite 8-year-old made - a little red clay heart looped with some raffia. the heat blowing on the raffia tie is making it flutter, and they're entranced. i better not get home from pilates tonight to find the tree toppled. i wish i'd charged my camera battery, it's pretty cute.

things have changed since my last make-do-with-a-smile post about the economy and a thriftier christmas. friday, 23 guys got laid off at cam's work, and today, rumors are swirling that my company's closing an entire office. it's too close to home, and i'm nervous. i think we'll be ok - cam and i both work hard to make ourselves indispensable to our companies - but there's no telling. it's weird. i've started worrying about the future (in a very priviliged person way, i know) like never before. for instance, it was always my intention to join a gym once i finished my session of pilates classes, but now, i'm worried it's a frivolity at a time like this. the contract's month-to-month, so i'm still thinking i'll join, but... it weighs on me (no pun intended).

ok now my foot's just plain old falling asleep. time to do some chores. the glamour!

portland, pt.2

saturday was an amazing day in portland. i wasn't feeling so hot - i'm fighting some strange bug, or something - but i was determined not to let it get us down. my friend fed us a huge breakfast of oatmeal, fruit, and coffee, and we headed out to pleasant mountain for a hike. she's... pretty nordic. she's incredibly fit, and outdoorsy to the point that it doesn't surprise me in the least to hear she's doing something called "frosty sailing," or some such, sailing in maine till christmas for a team. seriously. she's TOUGH. and amazing. anyway, she said the planned hike was 2.5 miles each way, and i agreed. what we didn't count on, however, was snow! we didn't make it to the summit, but enjoyed a great (challenging for me, breezy for her) hike, stopping to chat every five seconds not just because i was panting, but because we couldn't converse over the crunching of our icy steps. we were out for almost 3 hours, and i think somewhere toward the beginning of the hike i may have sweated out a fever, because i felt quite a bit better by the time we got back to her car. (note to self: heated seats are pretty great, and probably essential in maine)

after a quick stop for groceries and chicken soup for a little snack, we went back to her place for super hot showers and a change of clothes, then headed over to her friend ryan's house for... wait for it... lobsters! when in maine, right? she and ryan and their friends alyssa and aaron and i had an incredible lobster feast (i'm proud to say i went joint for joint with this table of maine-ers, chowing down on the crustaceans like a pro. extra props to alyssa, though, for going for the body meat!), complete with lobster bibs. we followed up the meal with brownie sundays and a game of mexican train dominoes, and i kicked their booties soundly, mt. rainier represent! and, of course, on this perfect maine trip, it was snowing when we left that evening, big fat flakes that we also got to wake up to. just enough to be gorgeous, but not to cancel our trip to boston today.

poking around boston today brought back great memories of the last time she and i and our good friend heather visited boston, years ago. we walked newberry street in the snow, popping in and out of shops, and picking up amazing sandwiches to eat in the car en route to the airport. it was a fantastic trip, a lovely weekend getaway, and it's also so nice to be home with my kitties, my cam, and my christmas tree, ready for another week. if it's not obvious, i'm thankful for friends.

ps. picture to come... my camera seems to be out of batteries, and it's time for bed.

portland, maine

what a night!  after a perfectly smooth day of travel yesterday (bus to metro to plane to bus - it was so luxurious not to drive anywhere!), i hopped into my friend's subaru and after a quick stop by her place, we hit portland.  i got to meet a ton of her friends - realllly nice people - and the boy turning her head right now.  i had a ball being the new girl in town, chatting with all her friends, and just seeing how my she lives here.  portland seems like a pretty sweet city (if FREEZING), and i'm looking forward to seeing more of it in the light today.  this afternoon we're going to hike at pleasant mountain (only time will tell if that's a misnomer or not... i'm in terrible shape!), and rumors continue to swirl about a big lobster dinner tonight.  the only thing i'm worried about right now is the snow in the forecast for tonight and sunday... don't want to have flight issues getting home!

finally, no word from cam yet on how the fishing tournament's going.  this means one of two things: either the stripers aren't biting, or no one's phone is working.  i think the latter's a bit more likely than the former, but we'll see.  fingers crossed for sunday rockfish dinner!

flip-side

time to lighten things up a bit - today i'm thankful for brevity! in typical sarah fashion, i need to leave the house in 40 minutes, and before then, i need to shower, pack, take care of the kitties, and blog. guess which i'm doing?

i'm headed to maine this weekend to visit a dear friend. maine in december sounds a bit insane but hell, i've been there in july, so why not really do it right this time? she's got all kinds of plans for us - a bar tonight, where there's a party her friends will all be attending. i'm excited to meet them! we'll get some exercise tomorrow (she's totally nordic), then there's a possibility of a lobster bake tomorrow night! crazy. i'm flying out of boston, so sunday she and i plan to leave portland with enough time to walk around that city, too. it's a whirlwind, but it should be super fun.

i know i've committed to blog daily, and i WILL blog tomorrow, i'm just not sure it'll show up here till sunday. if she's got internet i can hop on, i will, but failing that, i'll blog on my blackberry and save it for posting sunday. have a great weekend, friends, and i'll see you on the flip!

on a more serious note

whoa. tonight i'm thankful for life, and longevity. cam's grandmother has been staying with his parents for a couple weeks and we still hadn't been to see her, so tonight, we picked her up and took her to dinner. she's an amazing lady. she has some mobility issues, but other than that is at least as sharp as i am (she saved me from leaving my purse at the restaurant). she's incredibly kind and gentle, but at the same time, she's no fool and when she has an opinion to voice, she does. i admire her greatly, and the relationship she and cam have is wonderful. anyway, we had just begun to peruse our menus when we heard a horrible, gasping, gurgling noise from just a bit across the dining room. it was terrifying. cam, of course, knows the heimlich maneuver, so he immediately jumped up just in case the man who was admistering it needed backup. i freaked out, mostly, i think, because the sounds so closely resembled retching, and i'm incredibly (and insensibly) afraid of all things vomit. first my hands flew up to cover my ears, and then i remember thinking i needed to be calm, and i needed to figure out how to help. it seemed like the man was getting as much assistance as possible, though i couldn't quite see clearly, so i decided my best course of action was to get away, stay clear and out of the way. i did, and soon things seemed to improve, cam returned to the table, and i did too, shakily. the poor man who was choking spent a long time doubled over just staring at the ground. i'm sure his life must have flashed before his eyes - it was very, very serious there for a bit. but as cam reported, later in the car, the piece of steak exited the same way it entered, and while the man was shaken, he was fine.

it was so, so scary. much scarier, sure, for the man who could have died. i'm a little worried about my own overreaction, but since i don't know the heimlich, i guess the best thing to say is at least i didn't get in the way. we went on to have a really nice meal and conversation, and it all turned out ok in the end. it's a good reminder, though, to be thankful for the most obvious thing: life.

capitulation

it sounds awful, but it really isn't. cam and i had planned for awhile to do it up right for our first christmas living together, which meant going to a christmas tree farm to cut down our own tree. unfortunately, our ridiculous schedules have conspired against us, and tonight i convinced him that we just can't wait till the 14th... what we need to get us de-stressed and excited about the holidays is a tree, fragrant and glowing in our living room. so tonight we climbed into lucy (his old ford pickup, she's awesome) and headed to a lot just slightly out of town. not 10 minutes later we had a perfect tree in the back of the truck, and now the cats are chasing each other around it, we've got christmas carols on pandora, and all is right in the world. plus, after about an hour on the computer, i'm nearly done my christmas shopping.

the whole recession thing is making for a strange holiday season, in some ways. a week ago, my work sent out a notice about the so-called holiday happenings around the building. conspicuously absent? any mention of a holiday party. my work used to really do it up this time of year, with a huge party to which all our loved ones were invited. this year, there's a hot chocolate happy hour. that's it. no bands, no santa for the kids, no disco in the mail room, no booze. it's kind of depressing, and i'm not sad i'll be missing it. then, today, cam emailed me the notice from his work, announcing the all-out cancellation of their holiday party. and then i heard the promo for all things considered this evening: "the latest casualty of the recession? the office holiday party."

the weird thing is, even though i'm a little put out that work's not putting on the dog and plying me with cocktails this december, i'm not that upset about spending less on gifts. there are few things i love so much as finding the perfect gifts for friends and family that make each recipient feel pampered and understood, and working in tighter financial parameters just makes it a little more challenging. i know i'm fortunate - for some families santa's not coming at all, and that's true every year - but it's changed my focus a little, and so far, i'm making the best of it. i do wish i had more time for homemade gifts (or better follow-through?), and that i'd make some headway on my christmas cards, but for now, i'm happy with a cartful of etsy purchases and a tree in the living room.

remember that theme?

photo by shannon hibberd

remember how the theme for this whole nablopomo nonsense is thanks? well my cup is overflowing at this moment. this has been a day jampacked with goodness. first, my sister is now blogging! check out her awesomeness. secondly, my evening went nothing like i anticipated. not knowing what to expect at my expecting friend's house, i sort of figured we'd stop in, heat up dinner, and make an exit, so as not to disrupt the calm. negative! the soon-to-be-papa assured us they'd love our company for a bit longer, so instead of ducking out, we joined our friends at the table, had a meal they swore they enjoyed, and then played a rousing game of parcheesi. it was a perfect night, and, selfishly, it was so good for me to see my friends doing so well. plus, i came in second at parcheesi, which sure didn't hurt.

riding home with the warmth of a great night with friends surrounding me, i didn't think this night could get much better, but my inbox held further delights. first, another baby! a good friend of mine just welcomed little arlo into the world with much fanfare and few complications, and i'm gushing with excitement for the new family. secondly, my sister forwarded the photos - nearly 600 of them - from her wedding, and cam and i just watched the complete slideshow. re-living that incredible, amazing, life-affirming event has me overwhelmed and overblessed. i have more to say, a good thing in a solid month of blogging, but for now, just look again at the picture above, of love.

food for thought

i may have officially lost my mind, but on this first day of december, i've decided to join national blog posting month. it's probably the worst month i could choose, given the hectic holiday schedule, but what the hell. if i really want to make a go of regular posting, why not start it off with a bang?

in a side note, cam's sitting beside me as i undertake this challenge. he just said, "i've never seen anyone blog before. do you need some alone time?" i assured him that i don't, but at the same time, we will probably each have some "alone time" as i'll likely have to stay up past his bedtime to post on occasion.

the theme of the month, as hosted by nablopomo (awkward!) is thanks. i don't even know where to begin on that, so i'll start small. tonight, i learned that green potatoes aren't as poisonous as i feared (apparently, a 100 lb person could get sick only if he/she ingested a pound of totally green potato), and i'm thankful for that, because the bag i bought today is full of tubers with a chartreuse hue. i bought the patoots to make another batch of julia's potato leek soup for a friend who's on bed rest till her due date. tomorrow evening, cam and i will take the soup, along with more buttermilk chive biscuits, to my friend and her husband and hope the food nourishes the three of them for a night... or, at the very least, doesn't give her heartburn!

julie, julia, potatoes, and leeks

like zillions of people before me, i'm sure, digging into Julie and Julia: 365 Days, 524 Recipes, 1 Tiny Apartment Kitchen inspired me to cook. specifically, all i have been able to think about since i started the book two days ago is julia childs' potage parmentier, or potato soup. it's the first recipe in the first book julie ever wrote, as julie notes, and it's dead easy. so, tonight, potato and leek soup, plus buttermilk chive biscuits courtesy of smitten kitchen, and benton's prosciutto. simple, satisfying, and unbelievably delicious. dicing potatoes, slicing leeks (my first!), salting and simmering, immersion blending, butter melting, sipping. perfection. thank you, julie and julia.

i don't intend to cook my way through the legendary tome, like julie did, but it has piqued my interest in blogging with a purpose, setting an impossible goal and charting its progress, warts and all. cam and i have hatched a plan. it's a 5-year (or so) plan, but if we can get the right people to collaborate (one's already signed on, one's thinking about it, and one's oblivious but should be a cinch), it could be pretty great. it's colossal, life-changing, and possibly life-making. it's also just a pipe dream, for now...

10 cards for 10 people

i stumbled on something today i don't want to forget about on the decor8 blog. a challenge: make a list of 10 people who changed your 2008, and send each a card before the end of the year. i think it's a lovely idea, and intend to do it. if you don't get a card, it doesn't mean i don't love you, or you didn't change my year, of course - it's just been a big year! i could send two dozen cards and still not be through with it, but let's keep it simple. 10 people, 10 cards. to-do.

dear blog,

i miss you. this 2-year-long election will soon be over. see you soon.
love,
emma

A Breeze

Last night when we got home from work, Cam got busy putting frosted film on the window in the shower, so we can bathe without shocking the neighbors. We had a pillowcase over it for a while, but the mildew was becoming unbearable. Anyway, in helping him, I learned how to open the windows in our place in such a way that you can flip them flat and wash the outsides. I knew they had this feature, but hadn't mastered it, but now I've got it. So while he finished the film and moved on to the blue room to hang shelves, I made my way from window to window, sliding, flipping, spraying, washing, wiping, and flipping again. Now they sparkle, the raindrop residue and the kitten noseprints are gone. In the bedroom, I left the tops open and propped myself up in the bed, listened to a great mix a friend passed along and enjoyed the breeze. Today's commute was cool and breezy, fall-like, and when I walked into work I remarked about it to my colleague, who has an infant son we call Pico. He too was moved by the breeze - last night, he scooped up Pico and headed outdoors, just so Pico could feel it ruffle his hair. "Pico," he said, "that's what a breeze feels like."

this time, with feeling

ohhhh life. so we had internet and phone for one day. one day. and now we've got it back. so seriously, for real this time i mean it (but does our isp?), i'm back. changes a'comin.

a true sign of the apocalypse

i am not even kidding you. batten down the hatches, folks, because the horsemen approach, and a million other mixed references. as of RIGHT NOW i am typing on these here internets from HOME. on MY COMPUTER. on WIRELESS INTERNET. as of this moment on june 23rd, we have television, phone, AND INTERNET. it's a miracle, i swear.

ok enough. gotta go make out with the man who got it all configured.

more more more to come!

oh, EW.

ew ew ew ewww ew. so i'm working on this new project at work (very exciting fun project, it'll be on the internets soon), and one of the less exciting things about it is working at a new desk. said new desk has the keyboard on an extender arm, an arm which doesn't fully support the weight of the keyboard so i have to sort of reinforce it by balancing it on my legs. i just now touched my leg and found something on my pants. thinking it was some creme from the joe-joe i ate a bit ago, i absentmindedly picked it off then looked at it. it was SO A BOOGER. SOMEONE ELSE'S BOOGER that i scraped off the bottom of the keyboard shelf with my supportive leg. now that, my friends, is NASTY.

nastier still? i didn't wash my hand. instead i'm typing on the nasty nasty keyboard.

ok must go wash now.

ew!!!

cam and the jay desk: a story of heroism

seriously? having a cam RULES. here's how today went.
6:45 alarm goes off for first time, for me. i snooze.
6:52 awesome coffee grinds and brews itself.
7:06 after hitting the snooze button for the 5th time, i finally get up.
7:10 in the bathroom i hear the alarm go off again. oops i forgot to turn it off. sorry cam!!!
7:32 i bring cam coffee in bed and finally leave.
8:46 place emergency call to cam. "have you left yet? i forgot to bring the camera i freecycled to work. you'll bring it? oh my gosh thanks! see you soon."
8:57 cam arrives, hands me camera with a kiss.
11:30 west elm calls, the desk we ordered is in. come and get it!
3:30 catch cam on his way home from work. "guess what, the desk's in! you'll pick it up? but i have the claim check. you'll come by? you rule. we still have to order the hutch, but maybe i can do it on the phone, but can you try? if you can't i'll go later. you rule."
3:40 cam arrives at my work for second time today. hand cam the claim check. more kiss. my friend at the front desk says, "i'm going to tell your boyfriend you got into someone's truck!" heehee, my boyfriend's driving his dad's truck, so it's ok. but cam'll be glad to know he's looking out.
3:45 cam calls - they won't let him have the desk until i call and authorize. i do so immediately.
3:57 cam calls - "i have the desk and ordered the hutch." sweet!
4:38 cam calls - "the desk is built! see you soon."

seriously? in a cam-less world, i'd have had to bus it home after work, get in my car, drive back into the city, pick up the desk, return home, and probably leave it in the trunk till someone could help me move it into the house. and then i'd have tried to build it, oh, maybe this weekend. instead, none of the guts but all of the glory, i get to go home just once tonight and organize said desk. sometimes life is just too good!

faster horses

oh life is so good. last night i was a first-rate grump, looking forward to an evening of hiding under the covers and riding it out. i got home, grabbed my book and a snack, and settled in, comforted by the knowledge that cam was cooking dinner that night. he got home a bit after i did with our friend matt and called me out of my down duvet cave... he had flowers and a bourbon for me. um, how well does he know me? i watered the flowers and set them out, then retreated again, bourbon in hand, and read for hours while periodically eavesdropping on the boys, who were drinking whiskey and talking mostly about tom t. hall. a little while after matt left the delicious smells coming from the kitchen coaxed me one last time from my cave... whole roasted trout, caught by matt and cleaned by cam, stuffed with lemon slices and sauteed onions and garnished with a slice of jalapeno; modified "stovies," improved with cream and fingerling potatoes, sans meat; and steamed broccoli. needless to say, my dark mood had disappeared completely by then! we really feel like our home's a home now, alive with friends and food and family... and it's such a trip to think that THIS is our new normal, not some lovely vacation...

here it is: the less-good

yeah. remember how i said there'd be less-good days? a man was shot about 3 blocks from my home last night, at 5:30 pm. it doesn't sound random, and doesn't happen much, but that only goes so far to make me feel better about walking home from work tonight...

this must be the place

oh wow! this week has been pretty incredible as cam and i settle into our new home. we painted our hearts out, and now have a beautiful green bedroom, in which now sits, as of 1pm today, the bed. it's enormous and extravagant and i can imagine spending all my waking AND sleeping hours in it. last night we walked to dinner in our neighborhood. do you hear me? walked. it's a delightful restaurant owned by a salvadoran couple - they met while working at a gourmet pizza place in dupont circle, and have now opened their own place just blocks from where we live. the pizza was out of sight, the restaurant was cozy, and the flan was so good we finished our first serving and had to order another. i know there will be days that are less-good, but this, this is why i moved back to the city.

the big time

well, it's official! i'm a homeowner. it was kind of... easy. ok, so making a billion phonecalls and getting my financial ducks in a row and stressing about what my final number needed at closing were kind of sucky (especially that last one... i was so stressed i temporarily turned into a monster. seriously. i think it's over now, though). and now i own a beautiful condo in which i am currently sitting... leggy oak floors everwhere, sparkly dark green granite countertops, shiny stainless and black appliances, two bedrooms, tiny bath. cam and i spent our first night here last night (after the easiest mattress delivery ever, i swear - nice guys, on time, efficient, awesome) on our fancy new mattress with luxurious sheets and down duvet. sure, it was on the floor in a blank room, but it was so cozy! there's a window over the sink in the kitchen... and another in the bathroom... two things i love. we ran the dishwasher with all our new dishes last night, and i've already placed them in the cabinets. i found the most beautiful, perfect, ME shower curtain last night - i know, of all things to get excited about, but really, check it: gorgeous.

oh, and in case i didn't mention it, i bit the bullet and ordered the bed. i can't wait for it to arrive!

ok, time to get painting! right now the whole place is this awful neutral cream, and i hate it. so the ceilings are going to be white, trim white, and color everywhere else. which means... i need to get cracking on the ceiling.

so everyone... come visit!

nesting, and fleeing the nest

whoa. this condo thing is getting serious! $5k has changed hands... with much more to come. my agent has advised me to get the utilities transferred. cam and i have selected a paint color for our bedroom (happy camper, a green). i'm seriously considering a really expensive bed. last weekend, cam and i rocked a series of home store outlets (the crate, the w-s, the pb, the restoration... you know the drill) AND an ikea, all in a matter of hours. we now own things like silverware, a hanging basket for produce, plates, hooks. and yet... friday we return to hatteras, the site of all things wonderful, a return to our cottage on the beach. a respite from faxing and transferring funds and signing documents. we're back monday, and wednesday, if all goes according to plan, i close on my own little piece of DC. our new home. crazy!

two pieces of winter fashion advice... which may come too late for most

here it is, folks: how to wear a winter coat in two steps.
1. carefully snip off the oblong label on the left sleeve that says "fabric made in italy," or "100% cashmere" in fancy script. note how it's sewn on with a few spare threads, rather than the intensive stitching featured elsewhere on the garment. that's because it's not meant to be permanent. cut it off.
2. keep those scissors handy. flip the coat over, and cast your eyes upon the vent(s) - the flap(s) in the back. note how they're sewn closed, generally with a big X-shaped stitch. again, the light stitch is a pretty good sign: it's not permanent either. read the sign, snip the thread, let your vents flap freely.

thanks. and i can take it as well as i can dish it - anyone with solutions for gross dry peely face skin or static-filled flyaway winter hair, please help!

yikes!

verbal counter-offer received, my agent's calling to discuss later this evening... exciting!

home sweet home?

i know i've been talking about it for nearly six months now, but there's finally progress to report: i've found a condo i want. it's tiny - about 660 square feet - and it's a ways out of the fun parts of town. but it's on a beautiful, quiet, residential street with tall trees and lots of parking, and it's got something i never imagined: two bedrooms. it's a conversion, so the whole unit's brand new, with granite countertops, oak floors, and black appliances. it's got a full-sized stacked washer and dryer. lots of pretty windows with sills deep enough for winston to sit on. a couple closets. basement storage. cam and i saw it first a couple months ago, together, and both though hmmm... this could be the one. and friday he and i and my agent took my parents by, and they liked it too. it's all started to feel really good, so friday we put together my offer. turns out we didn't have the proper contract, so i haven't actually signed anything yet, but tomorrow at 4:30, i'll get my pen ready and this will enter a much more serious phase. window shopping was fun, but now it's time for action. i can't afford the place, but we're hoping that the volatile market and glut of units on the market will mean i can lowball the hell out of the developer and get in at something i can afford. cross your fingers!

in other news, i've got my assignment for super tuesday: i'm headed to nyc and the giuliani event. should be exciting, since i've pretty much never been to new york... i only wish i was going to have time to see jbd and my cousin and everyone's favorite millionaire...

dude, you got a dell

woo! new laptop, and soon, new ipod! get ready, as soon as i ascertain my internet situation, for more frequent and increasingly more mundane updates and thoughts! you're shivering with anticipation, right? thought so.

true love!

my beautiful sister and her amazing boyfriend are engaged! friday night, the evening of their 4th anniversary, he popped the question! i'm beyond excited! i couldn't ask for a better match for my sister - i mean, how lucky am i to wholeheartedly love the man she's going to marry? no one's ever supposed to be good enough for your sister, and lo and behold, he is. they have a beautiful life together already, and i can't wait to see what the future holds for them. plus, selfishly, they're two of my absolute favorite people in the world, and now i get to have them together forever, and the best brother-in-law a girl could ask for!

thanks, marian

what is WRONG with me? why don't i ever go to the library? it's the best flipping place in the world! you walk in, pick out anything and everything you like, and they let you walk out with it, for FREE. i finally went after ages and ages last night and i felt like a kid in a candy store. i got three books - THREE BOOKS! the only problem? now i have all these books waiting for me at home, tempting me, at odds with my mile-long to-do list. choices. choices must be made.

prize winner

dinnertime!

men movies

snowflakes! this morning on my way to work, ditzy snowflakes bounced around in my path, just infrequently enough to make me search for the next, convinced the little flurry was over. nope! not over. and tomorrow they say more is on the way.

last night was date night, matchbox & a movie. we saw "no country for old men," and it was fantastic. i haven't read the cormac mccarthy story on which it's based so it was a complete surprise at every turn. and creepy as all hell. i had no idea josh brolin could act - really act - and when javier bardem appeared on screen, he looked like no one i've ever seen before, a face jarring in its new-ness, even though he's not new at all. haunting. i don't really know who/what the oscar contenders are, but if i had any say, i'd nominate them both.

the last movie we watched together was "children of men," so if you've seen it, you know it's been a very dark, violent, and spooky couple of weeks. i mean, not really - life's great! love and families and travel and almost too much food and drink, gifts and surprises and cuddles and the occasional inappropriate text message... maybe we've been seeing these disturbing movies for a bit of balance! even still, i think it's high time for my annual "elf" viewing... and i'm moving "waitress" to the top of my netflix queue!

a public service announcement

ok. let me say first that i'm all for getting a flu shot. i've done it every year since i started my job (where we get it on-site, for free, if we want), and so far no flu, so that's good. that said, i had a particularly informative nurse this time around, so here's what she told me before the shot, in case your nurse isn't so informative:

1. the serum is thicker this year, so it's going to HURT. take four advils after your shot and stay on it.
2. don't exercise after your shot, it only makes things worse. something about your body making more antibodies or something. so take a night off from the gym.

DUDES. don't let me dissuade you from flu-shotting-it-up, but MAN. she was not lying. i was mocking everyone in my office who got it in the morning and then complained bitterly that their arms hurt. i know now the error of my ways and have eaten my words with gusto. this freaking thing HURTS. i took two advils and can barely type for the pain (ok, slight exaggeration, but only slight!). i see more advil and quantities of bourbon in my future... you know, since i can't go to the gym and all.

a trick or a treat?

it's official... today, i got blackberried. i'm not really sure how i feel about it yet. first of all, it's going to be kind of annoying to have 2 cell phones (personal and work). second of all, there's always the, "who wants to be THAT in touch with work?" question. i love my job and my work, though, and i know i can always just ignore it, but there's a bit of a philosophical debate there even still. that said, it's pretty cool, and it'll be nice to go through my work emails on my way to work instead of wasting time doing that when i get here. plus, since i don't have internet at home, it'll be cool to be able to look up an address or directions or whatever if i need them.

and a little piece of me feels special that they think i rate one, even if i think it's a little silly.

speedbump

i've been waiting on a little extra cashflow to make a decision on a condo, and it's been put on hold... fingers crossed that it comes through! frustrating.

home sweet home

when i have my new home, i will...
-sleep in a queen sized bed... thanks, cam!
-do jigsaw puzzles
-come up with fantastic pitches surfing wirelessly from my new laptop
-have a dv-r (thanks again)
-paint all the walls, whatever color i want
-go to antique shops and thrift stores to find furniture... modern furniture is far too oversized for whatever petite condo we choose
-really notice that my (current) roommate's the one with all the good kitchen stuff
-have fewer clothes and fewer books
-relinquish my oversized stereo system for a smaller set-up
-finally be able to get a new ipod

i'm going to add more as they come to me... what's been your favorite part of owning a home, or moving in with your loved one?

in a nutshell

i have total writer's block lately. not that what i jot here counts as writing. but anyway, here's an exercise in memory...

20 years ago I...
was nine years old. i don't remember much about it. i guess i was in fourth grade... ok it's coming back now. my hair was the shortest it's ever been, and so many people thought i was a boy i'll never ever do that again. i had a blue chambray shirt with silver studs on the pockets and a khaki skirt that i absolutely loved to wear together... i can still feel the fabric of the shirt, and how good i felt in that outfit. someone still referred to me as a boy, one day when i was wearing that outfit, and it never felt the same after that. it still makes me a little sad to think about. that, and that my grandfather died that year. i was so young i didn't really understand it. i mean, i knew what it meant, but it felt like something i reacted to in the way i felt i should. i loved him a ton, but whatever mourning i've done over his death has been a mellow missing him over the years, more than a tremendous display of emotion at the time.

10 years ago I...
was 19 years old. in college, a sophomore, naive and having the time of my life. i lived in river mill, tried my first cigarette, and dreamed of boys i didn't actually know. i also had my first boyfriend, though i have a hard time calling that since the entire thing was long-distance. i remember him with utmost fondness. we had a shared love of dental hygiene. we broke up when i was in cambridge visiting family, and i can still see him riding away on his bike. yikes. it was actually a huge year. one of my best friends went to prison - real, honest-to-god lock up, and my other grandfather died. that one was a lot harder... it wasn't a surprise, but i was so far from my family when it happened... it was strange.

Five years ago I...
entered my last year of grad school in dc. it was a very intellectual time period where i held down my dream internship and wrote my thesis. i had lots of fantastically smart friends, and graduated.

So far this year, I've...
done more than i can possibly distill. it's been the best ever, full of LOVE more than anything. friends, family, kitty, and the best boyfriend in the world. i even love my job, most of the time.

Yesterday I...
grilled top-notch steaks while cam made a flawless hollandaise to go with the asparagus.

Today I...
haven't done much, but a former crush did call me a "beautiful woman." in less than an hour, cam's picking me up so we can meet my agent and see some more condos.

Tomorrow I'll...
cook up a storm for the halloweiner! and hopefully come up with a halloween costume.

vroom

this weekend i went on my first motorcycle ride. i am HOOKED!

wires and waves

it's sad, but true... i just don't go to as many shows as i used to. i'm no less a fan of music, at least, and my xm has really gotten me back into it. but shows? maybe it's a function of aging and having the kind of job that i both MUST be sharp for and WANT to be sharp for. maybe it's because tickets in this fine city are so much more expensive than in athens. maybe i'm a bit jaded and tired of standing through less than stellar opening acts (and secretly mortified that i hadn't heard of them prior to arriving... when did i go from the kind of person who knows every band on the bill and actually prefers the opener to the headliner to the kind who doesn't recognize those kids up on stage?). it stresses me out a little. but last night i got off my lazy butt and saw rilo kiley with my sister. i've been a casual fan for a while, and my admiration jumped considerably with jenny lewis's rabbit fur coat. my sister loves rk, so going seemed like a decent idea. it was SO much more than that. trust me, rilo kiley puts on a hell of a show. they were incredibly tight - no wanking between songs, just the right amount of chatter, all equipment functional and tuned... and lewis is just luminous. i can't say anything about her that hasn't been said before, but i can give you this: the show we attended, courtesy of npr. it's wonderful, and it reminded me what i love about live music. thanks, rilo kiley.

humpty-dumpty

is it really only wednesday?
i've been having a really normal week, but somehow it's dragging on infinitely.
is anyone else having this problem?

rilo kiley with my sister tonight... maybe that will help! or maybe it'll just make me tired... and the week longer... bad attitude!

is it truly location, location, location?

an update: saw a ton of condos on wednesday with my lovely real estate agent. she definitely seems to 'get' me, and a lot of the places would be just fine, if not ideal. two really tickle my fancy: one in an awesome location that's very small (and i have two people and a LARGE cat to think about), another in a less-awesome location with more space. hmmmm. any thoughts? a recent first-time-homeowner friend of mine said the conventional wisdom is "whatever you buy, you can't pick it up and move it," so you better like the location. she quickly followed that with c.w. #2: you can't make more space. so, yeah. i have no idea what to do. and there's a third option: wait it out longer, see if more places pop up, and see if i have a bit more $ than i think to play with. it's possible i will. no matter what, i'm not buying anything RIGHT away, but there is a slim possibility next month will be my last paying rent. it blows my mind every time i think about it.

on the prowl

well, it's official... i'm house-hunting. well, to be more accurate, condo-hunting. for two years or more i've been scanning listings, trying to get a grip on the local market and doing a lot of thinking about what i do and don't want. i do want to live somewhere where i can walk to the metro during the day without trepidation, and reasonably but more cautiously at night. i do want a one-bedroom... when i started the search, it was before the market dropped (or, i'd say, normalized), and a studio was the best i could hope for. fortunately, my patience seems to be paying off and now it's not out of the question that i could have a one-bedroom like a civilized person. it'd be nice to live somewhere with some sort of basic exercise room. i'd prefer a gas range. and no condo fees over $300 - that's just bananas. i don't want a place that needs a lot of work, and i don't want to live somewhere where i have to worry about leaving my car in the street.

the time finally came to stop observing and dig in when i saw a property listed that sounded perfect. it's a conversion in a great area, and though i know it'll probably sell out before i get it all together, it was the kick in the pants i needed. to that end, i've been preapproved for my loan, an unsettlingly easy process online with my credit union. and today i meet with the woman i hope will be my agent! i'm pretty pumped.

i've got an interesting and exciting variable in all of this... cam. we're going to move in together (it feels so strange to type that! it's a first for both of us.) once i've got my place. he wants to help financially, and while i'm definitely not going to buy a place i can't pay for 100% solo, it's intriguing to think about how his contributions will ease my financial situation.

and of course, much more intriguing than even that is the thought of combining our lives. we virtually live together now as nomads, crashing at his place or mine, and the thought of erasing all that commuting is like crack. i know the homebuying process is complex, frustrating, and expensive... but i feel like it's going to be worth it in the end. i can't wait to have a place of my own... and then to make it ours.

impromptu oc weekend

bests, in a random top-10 format...
1. chucking parachute men off the top of the ferris wheel
2. making out in the haunted house
3. 1.0000001, 1.0000002, and 1.000003
4. fisher's on the beach, dumser's on the boardwalk
5. reading cosmo aloud in the car on the way home
6. AAA discount on the last hotel room in the world
7. team whac-a-mole, peter's the prize
8. speed skee ball to procure the aforementioned parachute men
9. bike week: a bazillion motorcycles to ogle and matching his-and-hers black&orange outfits, turquoise fringe, and that psychedelic skull shirt
10. the irish band, getting called-out for drinking boh, and the last-song dedication of "fairytale of new york," though i may have been half-asleep.

and the bottom of the barrel (but i'd do it all again)...
47. the trip home on the drunk bus (but i was protected)
48. the traffic on the way home (but i had entertainment)
49. the constant roar of harleys (but they sure were pretty)
50. the "cuisine" (there MUST be a good seafood place in OC!).

all in all, a fantastic weekend, capped off with fresh eastern shore produce and salmon for dinner in front of a dismal chargers game and an incredible windows-open night of sleep.

one observation this morning... women with long pedicured toenails always make me pause. do they sleep alone? do they have king size beds with a line drawn in the middle? there are few things i dislike more than accidentally scratching or being scratched with a toenail, it gives me the shivers.

she lives in dreams

this morning i was looking at my cat, laying on the floor per usual. he's absolutely enormous - if you don't know winston, he's 16lbs of long, lean cat... which is HUGE. so huge that his vets (he has a couple he's seen recently for 1-year checkups) both exclaimed "oh my gosh, he's huge!" one had read his weight on his chart before actually seeing him, and she was like, "i expected this big fat cat, but he's not fat at all, he's just huge!" so yeah, winston's a monster. he's also the sweetest feline ever on 4 paws, but i digress.

anyway, this morning i was looking at him lounging, he never sits curled up or in a loaf, it's always an all-out sprawl. and it suddenly occurred to me how everyone always takes pictures of their babies on the floor next to their cats, and how when i have a baby someday it's going to be hilarious (ok, maybe not everyone takes those pictures, but i know there's one of me stretched out in front of the fire after a bath, our siamese suki next to me). so cam comes in from his shower and i'm just standing there laughing, and i tell him, "you know how people always take pictures of their babies and their cats on the floor? i hope win's still around when i have one, because that kid's going to be a toddler before he's bigger than winston!" cam just looked at me bemusedly and was like, this is what you're thinking about...? he laughs and counters with, "just picture our baby laid out beside our great dane!" so i guess we're getting a great dane, too. and then he said, well actually, maybe our baby won't be a shrimp, because babies in my family are BIG. he's talking like 10lbs big. yikes! babe, how do you feel about adoption?

sad hangover

i have a sad hangover today. i had a long, difficult (but very good) conversation till late last night, then got zero sleep thanks to JB, the cat from hell (tho i love him so). then a dumb lady made me cry on the bus this morning - normally i'd have been fine, but after the aforementioned events, i was pretty fragile. work's been fine, and then cam called just to see how i was feeling and to tell that if the forecast is good, he's riding over to my place on the motorcycle tonight. now that's a thought to cheer me up! still sad hungover, but there's a break in the clouds.

pretty mama

i have really got to do something about my ipod situation. my ol'workhorse, the 40gb 3rd generation (first with the click wheel!), has died. its battery has become increasingly unreliable (i can't really complain - i've had it since 2001 or 2002) and i feel like purchasing a new battery is just asking for it to fall ill with another ailment. my nano, which is not yet 2 years old, is on the fritz. i've always used it as my workout ipod (as opposed to my regular one, which was my commuting ipod... i know, the excess is... excessive), and one time i stuck it in my sports bra because i forgot my armband... i think the subsequent sweat may have jammed up the works. now, even after a full reset, i can only toggle forward unless i put it back on the charger. that means that i can't play it and use the timer to time my workouts at the same time, and that if i skip the "shuffle" screen, i have to just listen to all my songs in alphabetical order. it's annoying. i've carried it on some recent commutes, but mostly skip it. in the last couple of weeks, however, i've learned that commuting without an ipod isn't just annoying, it's infuriating... when i'm plugged in, i can't hear the lewd and "appreciative" remarks made by men i pass on the street. it's something pretty much all women have to deal with, and when i'm listening to my ipod i usually don't hear it, and if i do, it's easy to ignore because there's no way romeo knows if i heard it or not. and believe me, i do NOT need to hear "sexy" hissed at me as i pass you in the metro station, or "mmm look at that ass" when i walk by the bus stop. i really don't.*

*there are occasional exceptions, when the comments are original or humorous. my favorite? once i was walking past the dc public library and a guy there yelled up from his camp, "hey miss! nice legs!" and it had me laughing for the rest of the night.

hot coffee

man! this weekend was one of those that just didn't seem long enough, even though it had a little something for everyone. friday night was quiet... a trip to the gym, and a fantastic batch of homemade red sauce, if i do say so. i froze most of it, so we'll see how i feel about it in time. saturday was absolutely gorgeous, though i slept till 11 so i didn't quite maximize it! but i ran, and then went to the nats/mets game that night, thanks to squidpants. it ruled - front row seats! when all the presidents ran by, TJ gave me a high five. now that's living. the game ended just in time for me to meet cam at the airport, just in at midnight from south bend. finally! sunday we had a big breakfast, then parted ways because i had a date with psmee for an urban hike! she and her love have a strong commitment to walking the city, and i adored taking part this weekend. we walked from eastern market to dupont circle, where we stopped for beers and greek food at zorba's, then all the way back to metro center where we hopped a train home. it was so much fun - the best possible quality time with a dear friend, and one of the best things about her is how she's so enthusiastic about her love for this city. it's infectious, and it makes me feel good about living here. it's a special time indeed. i returned home exhausted but happy, did a bunch of satisfying chores (these days, a to-do list is no match for me!), then grilled steaks, baked potatoes, and sauteed asparagus for cam&i for dinner. i make a mean steak, thanks to my mom. 5 minutes on a side, and set the timer - that's the secret!

and today is cool and rainy, a hot coffee day for the first time in months. cheers to that!

love is all around

ok, so the first round of the bad was pretty bad. even though cam was gone for 9 days instead of 10, i hit a low low spot around day 5. i love being alone, but this time, i was too alone. my best dc friend was out of town, my awesome roommate was out of town, and i just felt lonelier than patsy cline. after a fantastic phone date with cam i realized hey! i have the resources to fix this situation! and just a few hours later, my weekend was PACKED. friday after work i headed home to visit my bff, her hubby, and little evan, then dashed to my sister's and then to dinner downtown with her, her bf, and some other friends. we had two rounds of tapas at kyma, two bottles of wine, and more than two hours of good conversation. the funniest part came toward the end... i headed down the street to the atm to get a bit more cash for my share of the bill. the line took forever, and when i finally slipped my card into the slot, the brightest light shone straight on me from the street. what?! i shielded my eyes and checked it out - it was a cop car shining its spot on me. huh? i sort of glared and turned back to the atm. next, "ma'am: you there, at the atm, are you alright" boomed over the cop's pa. duh, of course i am. so i shot another glare over my shoulder and went back to the machine. again, "are you ok at the atm?" next thing i hear is my sister laughing, and i look over once more just in time to see her tumbling out of the backseat of the squad car - our friend, one of annapolis' finest, had picked her up as she trailed me to the atm to make sure i was ok (since i was taking so long). hilarious!

the next day was a doozy too - up early and over to newlywed ernie's new condo to hang out with her and her husband, over to mom's to say hello, then home for about 4 hours and off to a pig roast in brookland. it was fantastic - hosted by the parents of a former intern of ours who graduated from american this summer. they're latino, puerto rican and salvadoran, and man did they throw a feast! the pig was roasted slowly in a large box with coals on top, and accompanied by potato salad, spicy rice, and tons of beer. we dined under a large tent set up in the driveway at tables adorned with vases of flowers, and as soon as the sun set a variety of instruments emerged from the house, and soon thereafter the music began. it was so warm and inviting and fun, i had a hard time leaving.

sunday was another round of the good - more tubing! a different crew this time, and less drunken, but no less fun. and monday i dashed out of work and picked cam up and all was right in the world. he's gone again now, for a day or maybe two... the unpredictability is frustrating, but it's so important and his employer values him so highly that i know we'll make it work. and i'm so proud of him.

the good, the bad, and the ugly

the good:
tubing! on saturday my birthday week continues with tubing at gunpowder falls state park with 10 of my favorite people! we found a rad place that lets you drink beer and float for 2 1/2 hours... the water will be ice-cold, but we have deluxe tubes and we will OWN that river.
the bad:
cam's new job starts sunday night... it's a great job, and i'm so proud of him for being such a superstar at work that they've essentially created a position for him, and it's what he's always wanted to do. the bad part is that he'll be on the road for 10 days at a time, then home for 5. i don't think i need to say any more about why that sucks, but i will say that we have a plan and i think we'll be a-ok... it's just a big adjustment.
the ugly:
i am FAT. fat fat fat. i don't quite have to buy new clothes or anything, but everything's riding a little high as the waistband tries to find a thinner place to rest... and fails... and then rolls/wrinkles a bit. it BLOWS. but i guess the good thing about cam's new job is that it'll mean i can get back to my exercise/eating routine, which keeps me very happily in shape. it'll be tough to get back to where i was, physically, but i'll have the time to do it now.

happy birthday!

cam: "you know how that belt on your car's been squeaking? i can take it in to work today, i should have time to take a look at it..."
emma: "you really want to do that? i mean, that would be great - sure!"
cam: "no problem."

12 hours later, he picks me up at the metro station after work...

cam: "so, do you hear anything?"
emma: "nope! you fixed it! thanks! what was wrong with it?"
cam: "there wasn't anything really wrong with it, i checked everything out... atmospheric conditions... air conditioning... i fixed it by rubbing some dish soap on it."
emma: "that is so cool! thanks!"
cam: "ummm... that's not the only thing i did to your car..."
emma: "huh?"
cam: "yeah... check it out!"

dudes, he totally got me XM for my birthday and installed it in my car. it is SO pretty and fancy and it looks sooooo nice - he wired everything so that it looks like it's always been that way, and today we should be able to activate it and i should be in business! best. boyfriend. EVER.

solo

Stolen from jbd's blog...

You.
Can.
Only.
Type.
One.
Word.

1. Where is your cell phone? desk

2. Your boyfriend/girlfriend? work.

3. Your hair? damp.

4. Work? distracted.

5. Your father? swimming.

6. Your favorite thing? friends.

7. Your dream last night? rats.

8. Your favorite drink? water.

9. Your dream car? scratch.

10. The room you're in? humming.

11. Your pet? enormous.

12. Your fears? dulled.

13. What do you want to be in 10 years? mom.

14. Where did you hang out last night? bars.

15. What you're not good at? criticism.

16. Eyebrow rings on the opposite sex? ew.

17. One of your wish list items? received.

18. Where you grew up? harbor.

19. The last thing you did? coffee.

20. What are you wearing? stripes.

21. What aren't you wearing? pants.

22. Your computer? overloaded.

23. Your life? exquisite.

24. Your mood? mellow.

25. Missing? kahlil.

26. What are you thinking about right now? future.

27. Your car? garaged.

28. Your work? manageable.

29. Your summer? unbelievable.

30. Your relationship status? loved.

31. Your favorite color? green.

32. When is the last time you laughed? bed.

33. Last time you cried? past.

34. School? completed.

magic

ever since i returned from vacation (flickr photos soon, i promise!), i've been having the best time hanging out with friends i missed while i was gone. the past two weekends have been standout - last weekend i had psmee and her lovely love over for dinner, and it was one of those evenings that isn't special because of some amazing meal, or delicious gossip, or the announcement of good news (though there was some of that!)... it was just special for the intimate feel, the relaxing pace, and the quality guests. the meal was good, all thanks to TJ's - a variety of olives, followed by marinated pork loin on the grill, new potatoes with butter and parsley, salad in a bag with gorgonzola, spinach, and cranberries - but not at all difficult, and easy to make while chatting. it was just one of those nights that leaves you loving your friends even more than before.

this weekend was a total lovefest too, from start to finish. ernie got married, and all our high school friends made up the bridal party. friday night was the rehearsal dinner, a classy dress-up affair with mouthwatering food (i had rockfish over crab risotto, with lumps of crab... gorgeous) that made me wish my dress wasn't so tight. it was so fun to hang out with my girls, all dressed up - haven't done that since prom! - and meet their boyfriends, and see them all meeting one another. saturday was wedding day, which started with manicures and BLT's with my sister and her bf (well, just the BLT for him), followed by helping ernie into her wedding dress (an inexplicably joyful thing that made me almost hyper with anticipation), and then witnessing she and her betrothed exchanging vows. the reception was a ball of dancing and drinking and laughing and love. and sunday may have been the best day of all. after cam brought us all breakfast, my sister, her bf, cam, and i went to my best friend's house to visit her, her husband, and little evan. being a part of this family and this little guy's life is the most special thing, and he's so round and beautiful right now i never wanted to put him down. then the four of us had lunch and were joined for fishing and a swim by five more wonderful friends - quite a group! sister's bf launched plans to surprise the newly-27 twins with a birthday party, so he and my sister and i snuck around preparing tacos and cupcakes for everyone. it defies description... these are the events as they transpired, but i'm not nearly elegant enough a writer to get at the feeling, the warm, relaxed mood that pervaded the day. it was perfect.

vive la france!

last night was a celebration of the highest order: my sister, her boyfriend, his mom, cam, and i gathered at my parents' house to cook them dinner as a thank-you for our upcoming trip to france (full credit to cam for proposing the event). it was a party from the get-go: my dad had a cooler of beer and a bowl of homemade guac on the deck for us when we arrived and the celebration was underway. the dinner was a total collaboration - wine and beer and apps from mom and dad, i roasted zucchini, sister made a salad, her bf made lime roasted potatoes, cam grilled swordfish, and sister's bf's mom assembled the most amazing confection i have ever eaten... a cake decorated like the french flag, four layers of meringue and ground almonds with grand marnier infused custard between them, iced all over in homemade whipped cream, blueberries and raspberries in every layer and all over the top... served with veuve clicquot. 4 hours flew by in a flurry of jokes, anecdotes, and comradery. my favorite part, however, may have been the very end, when we divvied leftovers between my sister, her bf, and myself - delicious doggy bags for workday lunches today. i have leftover salad, topped with the roasted zucchini and a wedge of the swordfish... and so much cake for dessert that i had to send out an S.O.S. to my colleagues lest i attempt to finish it myself. eating my lunch was like a little piece of the warmth of last night here at my desk. i can't wait for the trip!

a party in my mouth

note to self: eating pop rocks at your desk at work is not a great idea. they stick to everything, including your face, the front of your shirt, and your clothes.

5 of the 7 deadly sins

recipe for a mind-blowing weeknight:
ingredients:
1 4-pack piraat beer
5 eggs from grandma's farm
1 onion
baby broccoli
fresh basil
fresh spinach
prosciutto
goat cheese
fresh parmesan
toasted tuscan bread
herbed goat cheese

directions:
put recently-procured piraat in the freezer, then have a cheap beer with cam while you wait. listen to boxer, pour piraats. drink piraats and crack second round, then realize one should start cooking before downing second piraat, as they have 10.5% alcohol and cooking requires both knives and fire. chop and sautee the onion, then add broccoli, basil, spinach, and prosciutto. top with scrambled eggs. allow to set for a bit, then top with more goat cheese than seems prudent. toast bread and cut into thirds. pull pan off stovetop and put it under broiler for about 45 seconds. spread herbed goat cheese on toasts. slip frittata onto a plate, sit on the couch and share it on toasts along with the remaining piraat. loudly proclaim one another's culinary genius. then pull the blinds.

pink light

i have so little to say these days, and the only explanation for it that i can come up with is that i'm just too dang happy, and happy translates to boring, on paper anyway. i recently had an email exchange with psmee that gets to some of what's going on that's left me wordless. i mentioned, sort of off-handedly, that i'd stopped missing my loneliness and subsequently launched into this manic phase that continues today. she responded,

that's an interesting concept- you've stopped missing your lonliness. it's almost like you had so much time to be a single girl that lonliness was your "thing," your M.O., in a way.

to which i replied,

yeah, my loneliness was kind of my partner for so long - you put it well when you say that it was my "thing" - i owned it really well and was comfortable with it, so much so that when it was gone, it felt like losing a friend. it was a place i could always go in my head, and it was something i drew strength from. weird, but true. so i mourned the loss of it for quite some time.

i want to clarify, my loneliness was rarely something that got me down - VERY rarely. most of the time it fortified me, kicked me in the pants to attend this event where i wouldn't know many people, go out with that new friend even though i didn't really know what to say to her, and, in quieter times, write things and get all introspective. it's no secret that pain inspires art, and while NOTHING i have produced would be considered art, it's true for me too.
it's nice, though - now i've stopped mourning and get to more fully enjoy the fantastic things going on all over - the marriage of ernie, lots of quality time with my sister, my satisfying job, my fabulous cat, the beach with sara, the upcoming trip to france with my whole family AND my cam. i'm incredibly lucky, and at long last i can finally revel in it, and appreciate it fully.

look out!

it's bachelorette party weekend! more later... just in case the bachelorette's reading this!

the manatee has become the mento

i'm going to eat your family!

vacation, all i ever wanted

last week's sojourn in tortola was both the most and least remarkable vacation i've ever been on. least remarkable because it was just that - when people come up to me and ask me "how was your vacation? what did you do?" the answer is very simple: it was amazing - i laid on a beach with a book and a pina colada every day... not much to tell! but most remarkable in that it's the first time in my life i've ever done just that, and only that, for an entire week. and let me tell you, it's well worth it. my mental state is vastly different than it was when i left. when i left, i was feeling dull around the edges - happy about happy things and sad about sad ones, but everything had lost its luster, and my job irritated me more than usual, and my road rage was more than was warranted (or healthy), and my physical health, or lack thereof, was a constant worry.

now, though nothing's actually changed, i like my job again, i shrug off the mcdonald's semi riding my ass for mile after mile on 395, and though i'm still not healthy, i'm handling it better. and the happy things? the happy things are that much happier. the thrill that you get in your chest, that happy bubbling when you're thinking about something good, or anticipating something exciting, has returned just when i was sure it never could. that, more than anything, was the best thing about my vacation.

on this day, six months ago

on this day six months ago i was slightly hungover. but i rose early, put on my green dress, and the brown flats i hated already, and you came to my door to pick me up. you were in a grey suit, borrowed, and looked more real than i was ready for. i put on my red coat and big sunglasses and got in your car. we stopped at 7-11 for coffee, and i liked that you did not take yours black.

sitting side-by-side waiting for the ceremony to begin we talked fairly easily, but i felt like i should have more to say. i was concentrating on staying in my chair.

during the reception, i hid out in a dark parlor catching up with a girlfriend. it was easier and i didn't have to think about the shoes i hated.

at the end of the day, we climbed the twisty staircase to the pool room. you stopped on the step ahead of me, turned, pulled me to you and kissed me. it was my favorite part of the day.

the best song you'll hear today

get monday started right! full of hope.
feist's i feel it all

welcome to the world, evan!

the last 24 hours have been absolutely incredible (i overuse the word absolutely, but i think i mean it every time... i'll have to go back and check. but i digress.). so right after the show yesterday i tore out of here and made my way to the hospital. i arrived just after baby evan was born - no one even knew his name yet! - and the nurse sent me up to G's room. i couldn't believe i was supposed to just go in - shouldn't i wait in a waiting area of some sort? but i've never done this before, and about four people told me to go right in, so after a nurse came out i sort of pushed the door open and peeped in. G's husband, M, saw me and gave me the "timeout" sign, so i just backed right out again. he came out a few minutes later - G had been given some oxygen and it had been a tense couple minutes in there - and let me know she was ok, evan was here and perfect and all was well. what a relief! we went down to the waiting area together (a-ha! i knew there must be one! but you don't walk by it to get to the rooms, so i never saw it) and he got to break the news to the gathered family. a couple hours later i got to see momma and baby myself, and it was staggering. my best friend, a mother, gave birth, produced this tiny little perfect person. i even held him for a while, sitting down because i was too nervous to hold him and stand. G and M were both pooped, but happy. i didn't stay long, but promised to return with breakfast in the morning.

this morning was great - no oaf walking into the wrong place at the wrong time! i picked up my sister and we stopped for bagel sandwiches, juice, and a biiiiig coffee for new daddy M. everyone was a lot more awake this morning, especially evan, who was looking around, responding to sounds and voices, stretching (while swaddled like a burrito - but you could feel him stretching his spine and legs), gurgling, and even sneezing (which i got on video - ADORABLE). this time i held him at length, standing, sitting, rocking, and even handed him off to the nurse and to G without freaking out. i WILL get better at it... i have to, i'm an aunt!

i love that little guy so much already... can't wait to see him again!

baby boy!

welcome to the world, EVAN MICHAEL! 8lbs, 8oz, 20.8" of perfection.

more later.

baby love

aaaah!!!! my best friend in the world - i've known her since i was three - is in labor right now! i want to be there so badly... she called at 6am, with contractions still a long ways apart but getting more serious, and this is the one day i'm absolutely essential at work, so i can't leave till 4pm. nuts!!! i'm so excited i can barely sit still.

i met G in the summer of 1981. my family had just moved to a brand-new community, where the houses on our court were still being built as we settled into our little rancher. i spent time with my mom and baby sister, i guess, during the day, and went on adventures with my dad on weekends and in the evening, tramping around the woods, picking wild berries, and keeping tabs on the construction around us. then, one magical day, a car pulled up in front of the house across the street, and a little girl got out. i, apparently, pointed excitedly and squealed, "oh, a girl! and she looks my age!" and then i ran across the street, in the most socially-bold move of my life, and introduced myself. we became friends immediately - it's so easy when you're 3! - and have never had more than a "i'm not walking to school with you tomorrow!" gradeschool tiff. i love her like a sister, and, indeed, my dad calls her "#3," short for daughter number three. she has the kindest nature, the most infectious, spontaneous laugh, a near-obsessive respect for organization, and a wonderful husband. i just cannot wait to meet their brand new little boy!

a fish tale

oh man! a couple weeks ago i went on my very first charter boat fishing trip, and it RULED. i was a little worried about committing to the trip - it was expensive, and i had no idea if i'd get seasick. but it was awesome.


we left out of deal island, maryland on the kingfish II with captain harry at 5 o'clock on sunday morning. it was still dark out, with barely a crack of light on the horizon.


while we motored out to the good fishing spots, the mate got busy setting up all the trolling lines.


apparently, rockfish like bait in shades of white and chartreuse.


lisa was first up, and she hooked a monster.


the boys were ready with the net.


you measure it on this to be sure. yup, it's a keeper!


when i was up, i got a biggie too. biggest fish i've ever caught, that's for sure!


even after 11 hours out, i was sad to say goodbye to the boat.


i was happy to eat my fish after capt. harry filleted it, though!