more than anyone ever

man. sometimes i like to say "i can't cook," but that's sort of a lie. it's more complicated than that - i really enjoy cooking, but it's a pain in the butt for one person, and i so often put work and working out ahead of making a meal from scratch. it's just so much easier to boil some pasta or throw a salad together. the other reason i say it is that i don't like to, as a smart person once put it, "show stuff." i don't like to show stuff means i get shy about things like singing in public, playing sports, and cooking. anything that i could flop at i get nervous about. i know a certain level of performance anxiety is normal - it, hopefully, keeps us from doing things we really ought not do (like trying out for american idol, or hosting a dinner party for 12 on a weeknight). but mine's a bit more acute like that, to the point that i haven't really cooked for cam, and i told him i can't really cook. i mean, he's had a couple meals i've made, but one was a "stoup" i've made before and was totally confident about, and another time i just steamed shrimp and served it with fresh veggies. no rocket science there. plus, he cooks so well and easily that i haven't really needed to step up my game.

something changed, though, and i finally felt like i wanted to show my ability, and felt creative for the first time in a while. so last night i made stuffed pork chops (haha! just kidding! they were from trader joe's!), and two veggies that took some doing, even if they were simple. i made roasted sweet potatoes from psmee's bon appetit and snow pea linguini from this week's washington post food section. they were both simple, but foreign, and somehow i managed to get it all together and bring it all to the table hot. the potatoes were an absolute dream - roasted in a reduction of balsamic vinegar, brown sugar, and butter, then given a once over of fresh pepper. they literally melted in my mouth. the snow peas were fresh and so springy, with a crunch and a tang from the parmesan that set the sweet potatoes off perfectly. i really felt capable and creative and, well, proud.

so i guess my cover's blown. it was worth it!